the last few weeks have been pretty hectic, busy, eye-opening, and heartwarming.
oct. 2 - my uncle's birthday. had a family dinner at
summer palace. got to wear my mom's heels ^o^ sitting there, listening to the
cheerful, homey banter of my aunts, uncles, and grandparents, it felt nice. a sense of belongingness washed over me. this is where i belong. this is my historicity. i watched my cousins and eizel running around, screaming, laughing. lyxen and lynford pulling my sleeve at times and grinning innocently. the
angelic aura of children. sometimes i become wistful thinking back on times when everything was all about play and friendship. lynford supposedly fell from the escalator. he turned out to be stuck on the lower floor coz he was too scared to take the escalator alone. but the reflexes of the parents sure were fast. makes you wonder how being a parent changes your perspective of things. does life become crueler? does life become more special? wearier? or is it the same?
i've been asking my parents what to do with my life. they've been telling me to think for myself. the future seems so far yet it's such an impending thought. it scares me to think that i still have no certain direction. all i have are options and no choices have been made yet.
impatience courses through me coz i can't seem to choose for myself. sometimes, i want people to choose for me - to make things easier. but then, at the end, i know that it's my life and i have to make choices by myself,
learn to be more independent. naturopathology, tourism, diplomatic affairs, translator, teacher...which will it be? who knows?
so there, sometimes i feel so involved in life. in school, with papers and research. i'm immersed in it. but with regard to the things that matter, i'm always looking at them at a distant. i'm never fully immersed or am i? i see emotions and laughter and family and i opportunities realize how lucky i am to be me. sometimes,
looking at things objectively makes you realize how much you already have. i guess all you gotta do is be satisfied. yearn to expand your opportunities. yearn to explore. but remember to keep rooted to the ground and to be satisfied and contented with the beautiful triviality of life. coz those
trivial things are what hits the heart,
making life meaningful,
special, and
real.
sometimes, you just have to step back and look at things objectively. remove yourself from the constantly spinning world.
step back.
open your eyes. and
understand more.
discover more. learn more.