Trust

1. A Love To Light Up the Sky, 2. Trust, 3. Boho Love, 4. What the Mind Does Not Understand

Had dinner at HEAT tonight with the family, together with Howell and D. It was a nice, relaxing way to spend the evening :)

Sharing some quotes that tugged my heartstrings.

I especially like, "The best proof of love is trust." I struggle with trust at times. And I constantly remind myself to love and to trust~

Christmas Weekend

The weekend has come and gone. It's back to work again tomorrow.

On Saturday, D took me out :) We had brunch at Toast Box in Trinoma. I was craving for the kaya toast set - which includes toast slathered with generous amounts of butter and kaya butter, coffee with condensed milk, and soft-boiled eggs. Breakfast goodness~ D had the Hainanese chicken. I like that he shares his food with me, and lets me steal food off his plate :) Hehe

Went book shopping at Powerbooks. Got the Isabel Dalhousie series - the first four books, and two young adult books :)

Headed home afterwards and cleaned my room. D helped put the awry puzzle piece in my Snoopy flower house puzzle back in its place :)

Had dinner at Silla. I miss kimchi and red pepper paste~

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My family got back from HK today, and they brought with them lots of pasalubong from Disneyland :D I got four stuffed toy magnets, an "Angel" stuffed toy (Angel is Stitch's female version), and couple keychains for D and me. D came to the house early and kept me company until I had to leave for the airport.

Howell met us at the airport and we then proceeded to Golden Bay for lunch with his family. There was lots of food, as in LOTS. Burp burp :P Ran into Ahia James & Achi Anne and family :)

Spent the afternoon watching The Buzz and later on chatting with Nini, Zel, Mom, and Howell. Memorable tidbits included:

- 我愛你，再見

- Black Spaghetti

- Ai's cable car moment where she held on to the pole tightly due to fear of heights

- The above led to Nini's recalling Mom's hobbie cat experience

D picked me up later on and we had dinner with his family at 22 Prime. Fancy and cozy place with a great view of Ortigas :) I ate so much I felt as if I would burst :|

Memorable tidbits on the way home:

- D's Christmas song LSS (I think it was 'Away in a Manger')

- Navigating Podium's parking building. "To park?" quips :P

- Fruit cake - Fear Factor style

- White forest cake and maraschino cherries

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It was a fun weekend :)

A few more days and it'll be 2010.

I still have to add some entries to my Bucket List~

Merry Christmas!

1. Tiny houses in a row..., 2. candy canes, 3. "I wish we could put up some of the Christmas spirit in jars and open a jar of it every month." ~Harlan Miller, 4. Pink Peppercorn Peppernuts

Christmas Eve was spent fixing the accessories section of my room :) Thanks to Laurice's and A-ie's gifts :) Then, snacked over Fita crackers and Che's yummy cheese pimiento dip while waiting for people to gather about for the Bingo game. Bingo was fun and memorable with little ol' I16, whom everyone was waiting for. When Nini announced it, everyone came charging towards the prize table. Haha. Fun night :)

Played with little Tricia, who can call Papa, Mama, and Ahia now :) She has beautiful eyes and a sweet smile :) Kyla made her first appearance too. She has a smiling face like Nicole's. My nieces and nephews are growing up so fast.

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Spent the day with D. We made potato croquettes, washed dishes (after the cooking XP), played Uno Stacko and Cafe World, and watched Seven Pounds :) The day just passed by real quick. It was fun and memorable :)

expectations

I've been told not to expect too much from people, not to compare myself too much with others. It lowers my self-esteem, you see. And comparing doesn't really help. It only fosters jealousy, uneasiness, and sometimes even anger.

I've been blessed with so many things, and I am thankful for all the privileges and challenges life has given me. I've been blessed with a lot of love, from family and friends, and even random people I've met. In a few of my relationships though, I've felt that love was more of a struggle, a process that involved yearning for it and doing things to earn it. It's a vicious cycle of expectations and disappointment. I guess, sometimes, it's enough just to give love. Just give without expecting anything. As my coach used to say, "If all else fails, just love."

More than focusing on my unmet expectations, I choose to cherish what I have now :) After all, life is beautiful. God is good.

responsibility

Responsibility is both a privilege and a burden.

It is a privilege to be trusted by people, to feel powerful and able. Yet, there are times when even the best intentions are misinterpreted. What ensues is a battle between your own principles and what you feel should be done in order to protect a system and to preserve a certain order.

I guess in the end, although it is individuals who manage a business, who make and set the ground rules, sometimes these individuals need to hide behind a system, an institution in order to implement their goals and best intentions. I've witnessed that people don't necessarily listen to the advice or kind words of an individual, but they respect (maybe because of fear?) the guidelines and restrictions imposed on them by an institution. Like disciplining a child, sometimes kind words don't work. It pays to be firm and strict and authoritative. I think I'm still trying to find that balance, if ever there is one, between firmness and kindness. More often than not, it pays to be "mental" in the business world. It's head over heart in this field.

It's been a few months since I shifted jobs, and I can say that I'm grateful to be able to learn about life, relationships, and business in such an environment. It's barely perfect but somehow the daily activities allow me to see the bigger picture and how the smaller details figure into the grander pattern of things.

christmas is in the air

The mood at the office has been lighter. People seem to smile more nowadays. Maybe it's the bonuses? :P Or it could be the general atmosphere that December brings. Christmas season is much more eventful here as compared to Toronto. I do love the snow in Toronto though :) Makes for a beautiful white Christmas.

Had my violin lesson today, and played one song over and over again, for an hour :-S Tired fingers but I think I improved somewhat. Hopefully, I won't play too badly during the recital :X

I'll need to be strict on my practice for at least 30 minutes a day rule. I'm still having a hard time with the arm vibratto. Ganbarimasu!

D picked me up after my violin class today. He braved the traffic down south to come up north to meet me :) I like seeing D at the end of my day. He has that unique ability to make me feel lighter at the end of a tiring day. I smile at the thought and sight of him :) Had a quick dinner at Sakae Sushi, where we lost sorely to Nini's 36-plate record haha.

Christmas is only a few days away~

Should get started on my Christmas shopping.

All this thought of Christmas makes me think of hot chocolate with chewy marshmallows :)

weekend recap

And so, there goes another weekend. And here comes another week :)

Weekend highlights:

- Sweeney Todd with Nini and D. Saw Dingdong and Marian too :) Hehehe. And I saw the accessories shop I saw in Seoul, here in Greenbelt! I didn't have time to explore this weekend. Should find time to do so :) I liked Sweeney Todd. Images of the movie version kept flooding my mind but the theater version was well executed as well. As with the movie, it was a tad long. My favorite character was Mrs. Lovett, whom Menchu Lauchengco-Yulo did a brilliant job of portraying. The dinner we had at Italianni's afterwards was yummy :)

- Dinner with Angel :) Always something to look forward to.

- Chatting with Jerome and Patti. Catching up with friends is fun :) I hope to hear more about their future happenings.

- Dinner with Jed (which was last week) but I'll include it in this weekend countdown. Talked about second chances and the reasons and circumstances on why it could work out and why it couldn't.

- Hair cut at Piandre - 20% off :D I have short hair again.

- Toast Box breakfast with family. Kaya toast, soft-boiled eggs, and coffee with condensed milk. Happiness comes in simple Singaporean-style breakfasts :P

- My day with D. Quick bite at Cafe Mary Grace. Shirt shopping, window shopping, shoe fitting (I should get myself a set of killer heels :D ), grocery shopping. Oh my stars, that's a lot of shopping :-S

- Dinner at Luk Foo with family and D.

- Magic sing with family! :D Fun fun fun :P

In hindsight, Friday was a tough day for me, but the weekend more than made up for it. I'm glad I didn't let my Friday mood ruin my weekend :)

rough around the edges

Today, I am thankful for:

- meeting up with Angel and having a wonderful time catching. She reminds me of the importance of prayer and humility. God is good. God is grace.

- D. Because he sticks around and supports me when I'm feeling melancholic and down. I think he has this intuitive sense when I'm not being myself :|

- My family. Even through the rough times, they're here for me. Even through the disagreements and rough patches.

- Carrie Underwood. Because her music keeps me sane. And somewhat upbeat.

- Mistakes. Because they serve as lessons for me to learn from.

I've been a continual swing of highs and lows today. I've been over-thinking and rationalizing. Sometimes, I need to remind myself that life is good. Life is good, even when things are a bit rough around the edges.

heaven and hell

This made me laugh out loud :D

Source: heaven and hell

chicken soup

D made a surprise visit last night. He came bearing gifts of chicken soup and corn chowder - soups to help nurse the cold I have. Boo cold >.<; Yey to yummy chicken soup with celery and macaroni :) Loved the corn chowder as well. It had bits of bread and potatoes in it, which made the soup rich and chunky.

He taught nini, zel, and me two magic card tricks. The first had us amazed and we kept pestering him to tell us his trade secret :) And when he did, we tried it on our parents :D haha. It was fun :)

D's visit was a lovely way to end the work day :)

weekend recap

This weekend has just truly truly been happiness all around.

Saturday. Traffic was awful that day as there seemed to be more cars than usual. I laughed most of the car ride because of D's comments :P I attribute his sudden loquaciousness to chocolate cake :D Went to trinoma to pick up warm knitted scarves for amy :) During dinner, D surprised me with a question and what do you know, we ended the night as an official couple. Talk about surprises ;)

Sunday. Karaoke despedida for Amy, who's off to Colorado for a year for an internship program. It was a fun afternoon :) I hope Amy gets lots of new experiences during her one year stay.

Didn't go with Ni and the cousins to shop for Bingo prizes anymore. Felt a bit tired with my cold and all :(

Should start sleeping earlier~

tournesol

Source: Sunflower

I'm thankful for everything that's in my life now.

I'd just like to bask in everything first.

I'll take things as they come :)

There are beautiful and warm moments in life, the ones where you can't seem to wipe off that goofy, sappy grin off your face, that more that make up for the more challenging ones. I'll draw strength from these sunshine-inspiring moments.

simply you

I read this on tumblr today.

"I don't want phenomenal love confessions and expensive gifts and romantic moonlight walks and songs you wrote just for me and calls every five minutes to tell me you miss me.

i simply want you.

for the rest we'll see."

I was thinking on my way home from violin class, about how a successful relationship, or a good one, for me has been measured in terms of material things. I've used personal evaluation criteria to quantify and qualify. It surprises me that things don't have to be that way, that there are some things that just fall into place without you having to make an effort.

I've had - and I guess I still do have - expectations about how relationships and friendships should look like, should feel like, how they should be. But I realized today that it doesn't really matter if not all those expectations are met. It's enough having someone to share mundane things with. The rest will follow. I trust in that.

stranger in the background

“You ever look a picture of yourself, and see a stranger in the background?. It makes you wonder how many strangers have pictures of you. How many moments of other peoples life have we been in. Were we a part of someone’s life when their dream came true or were we there when their dream died. Did we keep trying to get in? As if we were somehow destined to be there or did the shot take us by surprise. Just think, you could be a big part of someone elses life, and not even know it.”

- Lucas Scott, One Tree Hill -

infinite beauty

Today's inspiration :)

There is nothing to fear. For nothing can diminish the true beauty at the heart of you.

How is it that you’re able to recognize beauty when you see it? Because that beauty resonates with the beauty that is you, and you know it, and you feel it.

Live from a perspective of beauty, for it is your most authentic nature. See each circumstance as an opportunity to express the unique beauty that is your life.

What could possibly be more beautiful than the ability to experience and comprehend beauty? That is who you are, and that is what you do.

Live the miracle that is the beauty that is you. Give your beauty to life, and it all grows more beautiful."

- Ralph Marston -

"I do my thing, and you do your thing. I am not in this world to live up to your expectations, and you are not in this world to live up to mine. You are you and I am I, and if by chance we find each other, it's beautiful."

- Frederick S. Paris -

Look at the stars. Look how they shine for you, and all the things that you do.

Everything you can imagine is real.

little miracles

I've been having little bouts of tiredness.

Maybe it's from sleeping late. Or not drinking 8 glasses of water a day. Or being in front of a computer screen most of the day. Or thinking too much about work.

It's a slow tiredness. It seeps gently into the bones, spreading drowsiness - both mental and physical. I sort of want to drown in its lethargic character.

Seeing D makes me happy. He sort of lifts me from my bouts of tiredness. It's like escaping into a bubble where everything just drops into place. For a while, at least. For a sliver of time, everything's just peaceful and quiet and soothing. Just as it should be.

I thank God for little miracles as these moments. It's these moments that linger and rejuvenate once the tiredness has left my bones and mind.

:)

openness

I had a wonderful weekend :)

Saturday started out a bit slow and sedated. I felt I was doing everything in slow motion :| Luckily, I made it through the day and wasn't too tired for dinner with high school friends at New Bombay in Glorietta 3.

Indian food takes some getting used to, and I'm thankful that my friends gave in to my request and dug into the food - not so much with gusto - but carefully and gave the dishes a try. I loved the spinach paneer and the tomato sauce paneer. I love paneer, in general :D It's always to gather everyone around and talk about how everyone's doing. Special thanks to Char for organizing the dinner :)

Walked around with Ai and Rae after dinner, and enjoyed fresh pretzels from Auntie Anne's :)

Today, D ran a 5k Marathon. Yehey! :D I'm sure I'd have simply plopped down on the ground after 15 minutes :| Haha. Spent the day at Serendra. Not many people around as there was a Pacquiao match - which he won! :D

Had lunch at Abe where we tried the rellenong mais and talked about scheming to get free cake by telling the waiters it was one of our birthdays :D Hmm, I think we did that before with Ni and Howell, and we got a pan of chocolate brownie cake for free. Fun times :)

Hobbes and Landes has a whole range of Monopoly games. I wonder if there are people who collect the different Monopoly editions. There's even an anti-Monopoly game where people assume monopolist and free market techniques. Seems pretty cool. There's a lot of interesting games out there nowadays - from scientific gadgets to word games to logical jigsaw blocks. H&L could very well be the "candy store" for present day kids :)

Of course, no trip to High Street would be complete without dropping by Fully Booked. Got a new book by an Irish writer - Claudia Carroll. Enjoyed peppermint mocha while we pored over a choose-your-own adventure book. I was successful at cracking the mystery at my first try while D got to try a whole lot of different endings before he settled on one he was satisfied with :D Choose-your-own-adventure books bring me back to the days I spent reading in the Dallington library. I loved those books when I was younger. They opened new worlds of mysteries and sleuthing :)

Ended the day with Monsignor salad, eggplant caviar (oddly combined with curry), and pumpkin soup at Healthy Kitchen.

Had a lot of fun and meaningful conversations today. It made me realize and acknowledge the fact that open conversation is truly important. Good and healthy relationships are built on honest sharing and good humor~

basking

I saw this photo and I thought - Basking

Lift your head. Close your eyes. Clear your head and just bask in the occasional cool breezes and the warm sunlight.

Hopefully, the worries you have won't seem as unconquerable by then.

crossing planets

It's the end of the work week for most people. And while I still have work tomorrow, I still sort of feel the weekend adrenaline rush.

Attended a chamber of commerce youth meeting at gerry's tonight with nini. It was my first time to attend such a meeting. It was okay. Didn't do much, but at least I got to meet some new people :) I enjoy talking and meeting new people.

D picked nini and me up at Gerry's and we went to Dezaato Pan for dessert and tea. Had slices of fruit and pudding cake, choco banana cake, and the triple mousse cake. I liked the triple mousse cake for its rich chocolate consistency. Its sweetness was a good companion to the milky Nagasaki tea. The light spongy slices of the fruit and pudding cake balanced the richer chocolate tastes of the other two cake slices.

More than the food though, I love coffee shop conversations. I could sit for hours with good friends, sharing stories over cups of hot beverages and slices of yummy cake or thick sandwiches. It warms my heart to know that I have people I can laugh with and share things with. It really is the little moments that count.

Speaking of little things that make me happy, these two "quotes" made my week.

- "I take you as you are, for everything that you are. You don't have to pretend to be someone you're not." & "I'd cross planets for you."

I've had insecurity and abandonment issues for the longest time. So, it's just nice to hear someone say that they accept you unconditionally for who you are. Isn't it a relief to not have to walk around on tiptoe around people? :)

Have a great weekend, everyone!

Blue Shoes

If Dorothy had blue shoes, they'd look like this.

I'd have a love affair with these shoes. They have swoon power :D

Have a good day, everyone!

peek-a-boo

Love comes when you least expect it.

I think these images best define how I'm feeling now -

happy, confused, thankful, and a bit bewildered.

Attended a talk by Francis Kong today, with my Mom.

Details to follow as my brain's sort of shutting down at this time :|

Had a wonderful afternoon bonding with my mom.

Had dinner at Recipes, cake at Secret Recipe, and shopped at Bayo. I heart this day.

Late night bonding with Dad and Ni in the car and Hap Chan :)

*Images are from imgfave.com :)

vulnerability

"Let’s just be fabulously where we are and who we are. You be you and I’ll be me, today and today and today, and let’s trust the future to tomorrow. Let the stars keep track of us. Let us ride our own orbits and trust that they will meet. May our reunion be not a finding but a sweet collision of destinies."

- Love, Stargirl

***

I've been thinking about trust lately - how much of it I give, receive, am capable of.

I've had issues with trust. I'm afraid of being judged. All of these fears could probably be attributed to a fear of emotional abandonment. I psychoanalyze myself :X

Opening up has been a challenging process for me. I've learned to trust and love myself more, so that I don't need to alter what I show to the world. It's quite refreshing actually, being able to not be so prim and proper and being accepted for that way :)

There are certain periods in life where you meet people who knock harder than others on the wall you build around yourself. When they knock, I debate, continually and repeatedly, whether to let them in. There's a rush of adrenaline and fear and excitement when you decide to let people into your life, and allow them to see the real you, stripped of pretenses and fears.

I still feel the urge to keep many things to myself, but I trust that there are people who will accept me for who I am - for all of my flaws, dreams, insights, insecurities, and goodness. So, I can just be "fabulously who I am... today and today and today."

***

Another memorable quote I encountered today:

"Are you stalking me? Because that would be super."

- Ryan Reynolds, Van Wilder

My Sunday Out

I tried scrambled tofu today :) At the Corner Tree Cafe along Jupiter Ave.

I liked them paired with the baked beans~

Banoffee pie! :)

Today was a bright and sunny day. I especially loved the flower decoration on the table. Lively color :)

Went to GB after brunch. Watched "This Is It," the MJ documentary. I didn't realize MJ was so hands-on with his music. I admire his dedication and passion for his field. He truly was a performer.

Nice piano music in Glorietta, courtesy of a guy playing the pianos on display on the ground floor. Music always soothes :)

Walked around Rustan's and admired the Christmas decorations and cute kitchen gadgets :) Saw a gadget specifically for buttering corn. And there were cute glass covers shaped in processed cheese and strawberry shortcake. Kind of reminded me of the "500 Days of Summer" furniture shop scene.

Had dinner at Marciano's. Liked the Legally Blonde pasta :) I heart tomato cream sauce on pasta :)

Disney songs made the trip home more fun :)

Sometimes I worry about happiness being fleeting, but there are times when like now when I just choose to live in the present.

bellisimo

Bellisimo means "very beautiful" in Italian. And tonight was indeed a beautiful night.

The day started off quite busy and the busy day didn't die down till evening.

Rushed off to T. Morato for dinner with L and G.

It's always fun and relaxing to have dinner with friends after a long day. Friends just have the ability to make you laugh and de-stress :)

Pizza at Bellisimo was yummy. Pasta was just so-so.

Chatted about sheltered lifestyles, wedding expenses, romantic opportunities, and awesome bargains.

D joined us later on in the evening. Impromptu visit :P

Headed over to Kozui afterwards and just chatted over tea and dessert.

It's nice to have someone to share things with :)

Friends are magical and wonderful in that they can make the dreariest days seem so much brighter and happier.

I thank God for days like today. I feel blessed <3

the sweetest thing

It's the little things that count.

D visited me at home today. It was a truly nice surprise :)

When I revisit this night, I'll think of - potato & carrot curry, playing the piano, greeting the dogs, walking around the garden, putting the ice cream brazo in the fridge, saying hi to the parental units.

It was a fun night. Awkward at parts, but overall quite enjoyable.

: ) Happiness comes in small packages and sweet gestures.

complications

emergency night out today with the gang at chili's.

it's always fun to go out and talk with friends when you're feeling down.

so many decisions have to be made on the basis of money.

i realize the importance of money, but the reality of it makes me a bit sad.

maybe, there'll come a day when i have to say goodbye to good things because of money.

when it comes to money, it's all head over heart again. hello, mental person :X hehe

basking in the moment

Images are taken from my Tumblr site, where clicking on the photos will take you to the photo sources :)

I had a lovely evening today, quite surreal and almost magical.

It was a happy one too, lots of conversation and laughter.

FB took me out today. Had a yummy Italian dinner at Cantinetta, and watched 500 Days of Summer, which I enjoyed. Memorable lines and characters. Plus, it has a great soundtrack. I loved the non-linear progression of the story and the cinematography. My favorite character was Tom's sister, whose independent, strong, and wise-beyond-her-years character made me love her. Had gelato afterwards. The gelato moment was sort of reminiscent of Made of Honor.

Got to put my ikebana skills to use with today's flowers and daisies. I remembered to create an elevating effect and to have a focal point. I never thought my ikebana lessons would come in handy :)

Listening to Fly to the Sky's Decennium.

Looking forward to the movie, Valentine's Day. Trailer was promising. I think it's similar to Love, Actually.

i heart seoul!

Back home from Seoul trip with friends.

It was a fabulous and fun trip :) The tour could've been better but the company more than made up for any shortcomings.

I'll miss the kimchi and rice cakes and ramen, the super organized subway lines, the cool crisp air, and the beautifully-paved sidewalks of seoul.

More details to follow as I organize the photos and my thoughts :)

hope springs eternal

Source: mojofire

Off to the land of kimchi and bibimbap and rice cakes and princess hours :D

It's my first trip to korea!

I love the image above. It reminds me of hope and spring and love and joy~

SG texted me again today. Then, he promptly disappeared again in the afternoon. I'm truly truly all question marks.

FB texted as well. I wonder why I can talk freely to some people and just be myself, while I have a tough time warming up to others.

Browsed through my vegan cookbook today. Would like to try making the scrambled tofu brunch :D

Anyways, off to finish last minute trip preparations.

Have a peaceful rest of the week :)

chocolate cures

It does, doesn't it?

The perfect, if temporary, antidote to heartbreak, sadness, and PMS.

Chocolate is sweet indulgence.

Chase those blues away~

Image: nectar and light

blessings

I never thought of it that way :D

My birthday was a happy one.

I'm super thankful to all the people who remembered and to all the people who greeted me and made me smile with their simple wishes and greetings :)

My sister got me chocolate mousse! Which we ate while taking wacky shots of my parents. Haha.

It was a quiet affair this year, but it was special nonetheless.

So, here I am - a year older and hopefully wiser.

I had some weird moments today.

SG texted me after a three-day hiatus.

FG remembered my birthday too. Nice person.

FB made me laugh a lot. And I think we were able to iron some kinks out.

J made me laugh when he talked about figuring out mathematical equations while washing dishes.

My birthday's come and gone.

But I thank God today and every day for giving me such wonderful people as family and friends, and for gifting me with beautiful life moments and experiences to treasure and remember and draw strength from.

playing from the heart

This reminded me of the conversation I had with Ni at Subway earlier, about me being such a control freak that I "control" my emotions with my mind :O

So I say, just take things as they come.

I accept that I'm happy and I won't try to control anything.

Just letting things go their own pace~

What love means

Nice quote.

“I love you” means that I accept you for the person that you are, and that I do not wish to change you into someone else. It means that I will love you and stand by you even through the worst of times. It means loving you even when you’re in a bad mood, or too tired to do the things I want to do. It means loving you when you’re down, not just when you’re fun to be with. “I love you” means that I know your deepest secrets and do not judge you for them, asking in return that you do not judge me for mine. It means that I care enough to fight for what we have and that I love you enough not to let go. It means thinking of you, dreaming of you, wanting and needing you constantly, and hoping you feel the same way for me.”

Today had me thinking of Julie Buxbaum's The Opposite of Love.

Maybe because I'm thinking of second chances and regrets and the wrong decisions we have to make to get to the path we're supposed to be on.

re-connecting

Attended A & D's engagement party with Nini today. What started out awkward turned out to be pretty fun. The people were warm, welcoming, and funny :) Plus, we got to take home the 99-rose centerpiece and vase.

Dropped by occi today. It was great seeing the hot and sexy council and coach again :) plus my other 39 teammates. i miss the place's energy!

Read an article about learning "lucky" behavior. They say that lucky people tend to trust their intuition more and to be less likely to follow routines. I guess being too rational doesn't really improve the luck factor. So the heart over mind thing does have some scientific evidence to back it up hehe.

Watched Spring Awakening with Ni and D. Cool show with nice music :) I didn't expect the music to be like mainstream pop. Bits of the show reminded me of Bare. Bare did have a stronger and more cohesive plot. Spring Awakening was more a spattering of different scenes, more a collection of parts, rather than the telling of a single story.

I felt that this weekend allowed me to re-connect with different people, with friends, with LEAP teammates, with H's family, with Nini. It also allowed me to connect with music. I think I finally know how to play vibratto. Hehe :)

happiness is...

Today's happiness includes:

Catching up with Ayumi and seeing my former officemates at the Fort.

Curry spaghetti sandwich from UCC

Picking up Ai from school and bonding with her on the way home

Seeing Uniqua propped up on my desk as I tinker away on my MacBook

Playing Love Story and No Air on the piano

silent waiting

Here I go again.

I'm waiting for phones to ring and windows to pop out.

I'm hoping for free-flowing conversations and happy thoughts.

I'm thinking of expectations and pride and how people know when to hold on and when to let go.

I'm half-awake and half-dreaming, only barely thinking of consequences and perceptions.

I'm waiting for something though I'm not quite sure what it is.

I feel as if something's going to happen but I can't quite put a finger on it.

Of course, I might just be a dramatic female.

But still, I pray that I find peace of mind. I pray that I be more open. I pray for good things to happen. I pray for strength. I pray for love.

manila tour

Busy day today. What a Sunday!

Breakfast at UCC Trinoma with Diko and family. 

Got lost looking for MSC along Gilmore Ave.

Had a Filipino lunch at Mesa GB5 with Fr. Ipasio.

I got to practice my French coz Shio-san's mother tongue is French! Coolness~

My dad then toured Shio-san around Manila - MOA, CCP, Malacanang, Intramuros.

I think he had fun :)

Went to Serendra with Diko. 

Yummy salad at Healthy Kitchen :) 

Just walked around and got a few bottles of nail polish.

Aldo has cute rings but they're so expensive. I'm sure there are cheaper options. Even in Canada, rings aren't that expensive :O

***

I should probably let my heart decide. But i've been using my head for so long, I seem to have lost the ability to trust my heart.

maple syrup

i was at the land of maple syrup for two weeks. canada was just lovely. i loved the trip because of the company, because of the discoveries I was able to make, and because of the conversations and bonding I got to experience.

my vancouver stay was filled with warm conversations and loud laughs, thanks to janine and aunts heddy and annie. they're such wonderful people, and made us feel right at home. I loved whistler with its resort hotels and medieval ambiance. i was also able to have lunch and catch up with mel, pam, and james in yaletown. the yam fries at cactus club are yummy!

toronto was a bit more hectic - more shopping, more errands. the weather was colder as well. highlights included getting the cookbooks and french books i wanted, the search for the store that sold the french books also warrants a special mention for it was the day sako and i explored st lawrence's market and downtown. st. lawrence's market, i will forever remember for the st. urbain bagels, the gigantic eggplant sandwich, and the kind artist whose magnets i loved. the place was just filled with food :) i loved the loblaws grocery in bayview. i loved taking the subway by myself. i loved the energy and feel of the university of toronto campus, esp. the st. george area. i loved the hot dog stands selling veggie dogs - yummy with mustard and relish!

i got to bond with sa-ko and a-ie as well. i sat in in one of sako's classes and felt that it was somewhat similar to my LEAP sessions. Pretty cool.

i could get used to the slow and relaxing pace of life in canada. but i somehow feel that i'm more connected to my life here, and that i can contribute more here. i explored a few restaurants and fast food chains, made a note about their concepts and stuff. hopefully, i can filter all that i saw and tasted into something productive.

di-ko arrived today. she went to the mall with me and walked around while i had my violin lessons. it was fun chatting with her in the car :)

i'm praying for trust and patience about the one who invites and the one who never does. i'm really bad at reading actions :(

love and fear

This saying struck me. I think i've been letting fear displace love, or the possibility of it.

I found this haiku charming.

And this just made me laugh. When i entered the room after violin practice, I found Uniqua asleep with Mom's Pokemon blindfolds (is that what you call that thing? Hehe). My dad was the culprit haha. Super cute and funny :D

Sunday mornings

1. Blowing Wishes 2. Secret Garden Door 3. Sleepy Teddy 4. Friendship 5. Image taken from imgfave 6. Puppy Love

There are days when you wake up and feel it's going to be a good day. 

Today is one of those days :D So, good morning world!

I was out all of yesterday.

Went out with E - to Salcedo Market, Glorietta/Rustans (I was able to buy my Clinique stuff ^^ ), and lunch at Old Swiss Inn (lovely fondue~).

Headed back home and left again with Che and Mane to the office, where we met up with Ni and Ste, and drove off to Trinoma. 

Watched Management, which is basically a sweet movie. I loved the scene when Mike has just woken up and plops himself on the bed and just smilingly looks at Sue. Another scene is the yoga scene where everyone has their eyes closed except for Mike, who is just looking at Sue. Mike is the perfect encapsulation of infatuation. I guess it is creepy to have someone like you so much, but it is sweet in a way as well. 

Ended the day with dinner at Oki-oki :)

I'll be in GH today for my niece's baptismal party. 

Listening to Jordin Sparks' new album.

Things for Korea are looking good :) Thanks to Lin and Cha.

Canada trip is next week. Have to do checklists.

Texts from M make me smile. I wonder if they should~

Should practice the violin again later. My vibratto sucks :(

Leaving you with this quote:

"Every day may not be good, but there's something good in every day."

hotel

Booked hotel already.

Tomorrow, I will book the car rental.

I need to sort out my head and my heart too.

I feel as if I have my own ABC story now. (inspired by J)

Sigh.

Goodnight world.

road runner

It's been raining all day. 

The weather's all cool and balmy. 

I love it except the rain puddles make my pant hems dark and dirty :( 

I need to re-focus on MBA. Sigh.

Went to Trinoma today to exchange my big sized tank top for a smaller sized one. Then it was a food buy-fest, starting with Brothers Burgers, Krispy Kreme, and finally Cinnabon (don't you just love their pecan variety? :) Chatted with Nini on the way there and back home. Little bonding moment to make a rainy day seem less dreary.

Showed my dad how to navigate FB earlier. I think he'll get the hang of it in a few days, or months :P He checked out this travel site on Sante Fe, and I saw a photo of a road runner! An actual road runner, not the Road Runner from the Coyote cartoons. I realized that I've never seen a picture of a live road runner. So I decided to post it here. Just to remember the day I realized that road runners were real birds with brown feathers, as opposed to bright blue and red birds on TV...I'd laugh but I kind of feel bad for my ignorance :( Hehe.

My quote for the day (which also serves as a reality check of sorts) is:

"Don't let the imaginary person in your head keep you from loving the real one right in front of you."

love. dreams. passion.

These are the things that struck my fancy today. A whimsical collection of photos that inspire love, dreams, hope, and peace.

1. Take Me With You 2. Eiffel Tower 3. Dream of Love 4. Innocence 5. Piano Keys 6. Dreams Take Over 7. Thank You 8. Feel 9. Silence 10. Yellow Shower 11. Happy 12. Together

Had a wonderful night with Laurice and Germaine. Dinner at Tempura and desserts at Dezaato Pan :D Also got some cool looking shirts. Conversation with these two ladies always makes me feel loved and understood :)

intuition

China was fun albeit tiring. It was also an eye-opener of sorts. Got to bond with my grandma and aunt, although I still don't understand why they believe the things that they do. I loved walking around Walmart and sipping the milk tea Xiao Lin bought for me. I've gotten used to Shishi somewhat.

Yesterday, had dinner with the HS barkada, in celebration of M and S's birthdays. The Korean food was yummy and spicy, though we left the place smelling of smoked barbecue hehe.

Spent most of the day practicing the violin and updating Tumblr. Then, went to Trinoma at dusk. Shopped at Promod where I picked out a few tank tops. Need to go back coz I got the wrong size but all's good :D Still happy from the shopping spree. Tis a drug hehe.

M texted and said that the Phils won against Germany in the billiard tournament. Yey :D

I've been preoccupied by things I shouldn't really put too much energy on. Someone unexpected texted the other day. Maybe it was because of the energy I let out. Cleaned my room today and I think I may have made an epiphany about E. I'm not the most intuitive person so I'm not sure if I'm just reading too much into words, or if I should just take them for what they are. I've had pitfalls in the past with the written word that I just can't seem to trust my own intuition and gut feel at times~

movie night

Watched Time Traveler's Wife with Wincen and Sako tonight.

I liked the movie. The serious moments were interspersed with light comedic ones so it wasn't too heavy. I loved the little girl who played the young Claire. She was adorable when she said with the kind of honesty only kids can make charming, "I was kind of hoping you'd marry me." I still have "Broken" by Lifehouse playing in my head.

Had a pre-movie snack at Mexicali, Wincen's treat :D Talked about world religion and history. Conversations with Win are never dull :) 

I'll miss them when they go back to Canada. Too bad I won't be here to send them off.

Feedback about my hair color treatment has been pretty ok so far :D Hehe

perfect endings

Sharing a quote by Gilda Radner.

"I wanted a perfect ending. Now I’ve learned, the hard way, that some poems don’t rhyme, and some stories dont have a clear beginning, middle, and end. Life is about not knowing, having to change, taking the moment and making the best of it, without knowing what’s going to happen next. Delicious ambiguity."

I've been having fun updating my Tumblr site :D

***

Had my hair cut today. The hairdresser refused to cut it too short because he said the roundness of my face would be emphasized. So I just had it trimmed a bit and layered :)

Biggest change would have to be the hair color. Not really noticeable in this picture though :(

My hair is now a shade between black-brown and mahogany brown. I like it :D

confusion

1. Sunny Winter White Flowers n Bokeh, 2. 93:365 {united}, 3. bright things come to confusion, 4. Circles of Confusion, 5. 137 - Circles of Confusion, 6. Confusión

"Love goes cold in the shades of doubt."

Chanced upon this quote in Tumblr. This describes my state perfectly.

It's been two weeks.

The conversation's been fun and light, at times sweet and kind.

However, words without action don't really mean anything, do they?

I may be waiting when I shouldn't be. And even if I've chosen not to, I still may be expecting something, in the unconscious dwellings of my mind and heart.

And so here I am, stuck in this vacillating state of confusion, happiness, and doubt.

***

Yesterday, played LaserTag and watched Up with my cousins! Super duper fun! I'm super thankful to my twin cousins for arranging everything! It truly was a lovely and memorable night.

**

I'm going to China next Thurs with my grandmother and aunt. I won't be here when Howell and Wincen leave for the States and Canada, respectively :( Boo~

*

Had lunch at Manila Hotel's Mabuhay Palace today with Howell's family. Food was yummy. I didn't know Manila Hotel had a good Chinese restaurant. The interior was really nice too.

hot springs

I am sunburned and my lower arm is darker than my upper arm :( 

But the fun weekend I had with my cousins more than made up for my red sunburned skin :)

We left really early on Saturday, 5:30 am to be exact. Zombie-like, we piled into Sharmane's van. It was a quick ride as we reached Laguna after an hour or so. It was a nice big rest house, with a pool shaped like a foot with an adjoining round kiddie pool. Ama dipped in the kiddie pool while the rest of us jumped into the bigger one.

We played around with Che's camera, which she had protected with a water-proof case. It was cool taking underwater shots. I found it hard to stay underwater long enough for a decent photo to be taken. I kept floating up :( 

It was a languid day. We sang karaoke on the old machine that was on the patio. Then, we'd jump back into the pool and play splash games, then talk some more. 

Afterwards, we headed off to Tagaytay where we spent the night. Ni, Howell, Mane, and I helped Che cut up the jackfruit and separate the fruit from the seeds. It was a sticky task! Good thing we rubbed cooking oil on our hands first. Dinner was pretty simple. The dishes were mostly leftovers from lunch. We spent most of the night just sitting on the porch, reminiscing about previous outings - the Highlands camping trip, Shanghai-Xiamen China tour, roller coaster rides - and other funny moments.

I was so tired after dinner but the rest of my cousins weren't. They all headed up to the room Ni and I shared and played cards, analyzed logic games, and chatted. I fell asleep halfway through a logic game XP 

Today, we had breakfast at Bag of Beans. Chatted with Gil and Wincen about life philosophies, men with six-pack abs (Gil was the one who started on the subject! ;P), parental expectations, personal dreams, anime shows, travel stories, Japanese humor, etc. It was just us cousins and Howell so the mood was light and fun. 

It was a pretty long ride home, around 2 hours. Listened to Rob Thomas' and Marie Digby's new albums most of the way home. Had a late lunch/early dinner at Luk Foo before heading home. 

Cousins came over to use the internet coz the connection was down at their place. Our house was pretty lively for a few hours :) Sat around the garden table with Che, Bri, J, Ni, and Howell talking about plans for next Saturday. Angeles Flying Club looks like a cool place :) Should finalize plans by Tuesday.

It was a relaxing weekend~ 

It's really nice having cousins you can chat and bond with.

snip snap

i'm thinking of having my hair cut. 

i wanted to have it permed, but now i think i just want to keep it short, with soft wisps to frame my face. here are some of my choices, taken from this japanese website. When it comes to trendy hairstyles, I trust the Japanese :)

which do you like?

i'm leaning more towards hairstyles 1, 2, and 7.

(First row: 1-3, Second row: 4-6, Third row: 7-9)

I wonder how auburn hair would look on me~ Hmm...

tough

Tough day today.

I woke up to the sounds of the TV as it announced that the Mass for Pres Cory would be starting in a few minutes. I watched as celebrities and political personalities streamed into the Manila Cathedral. Seeing the swarms of yellow-clad supporters made me feel a weird combination of patriotism and sadness. 

I didn't have time to listen to the eulogies as I had work. 

Work wasn't that eventful. I had a few head-to-head encounters with my dad, which sucked. Every time such encounters happen, I feel my world literally closing in on me. And I always feel the urge to escape. Always. Escape in the literal and figurative sense. I'm pondering the thought of moving abroad. Even at this point in my life, I'm still playing tug of war when it comes to life choices and future plans. My goals are pretty much the same. It's the "how-to-get-there" that changes daily. Sigh. 

The ups for the day included seeing Gil! :D And Howell's visit to the office. He even brought vegetable lasagna which he claims to have made himself :) And my Yummy mag subscription arrived! Nothing helps soothe frayed nerves than glossy photos of delicious food!~

Back at home, I continued to follow Pres Cory's funeral on TV. It was a heartwarming sight, seeing all those supporters waving and shouting their support. I cried a few times, as I could feel the Aquino family's sadness, the country's mourning. I never realized how much Pres Cory symbolized democracy and hope. I never knew how much she inspired and united the Filipino people. Today, as we laid her to rest, I silently prayed for her soul and thanked her for everything she gave and offered to the Filipino people and nation. 

Thank you, Pres. Cory. May you continue to guide us from above~

not my type

i was listening to colbie caillat's latest single - fallin for you. it's a breezy, relaxing song. i watched the video on youtube. in the video, she speaks about going out with a guy who's not her type, but he seems fun so she's giving him a chance. 

--------

now that my sister has a boyfriend, i feel that people are suddenly focusing more on my being single. If before they let it pass, now it seems like they're hurrying to find a suitable someone for me. I've gone to my share of events and parties - meeting people, appraising people, smiling till my cheeks went sore and the smile went out of my eyes. But really, you can't honestly judge a person based on a two-hour conversation. I mean, if you like the person, great. But it'll be hard to undo the damage of a bad two-hour conversation. I tend to pass judgment quickly - bitchy as that may sound - and it's hard for me to give someone who left a bad impression, a second chance.

colbie's song, i think, speaks of falling for someone who's not your type. i've met my fair share of "not-my-types." I try to be partial but i can't help but assess and grade. i dismiss people easily. it's not one of my best traits. it's hard for me to un-form first impressions and i tend to stick to certain perceptions of people - be they misconceptions or facts. i try my best to be open-minded and accepting, but the truth is i tend to brand people and the label sticks. 

people have been telling me to not set my expectations too high. And so, i've lowered the bar a bit. I can't help thinking though if that should be the case. All this talk about not setting your sights too high and having realistic expectations makes me feel as if I'm running out of time. Sure, it'd be fun to have someone but I don't want to "settle" just because people want me to be with someone. 

I just feel that I'm at this age where I don't really have time to collect and select. Maybe it's not a matter of time, I just don't feel like collecting and selecting. It's too tedious. Might be because I'm an old soul at heart, but I find that going out on dates, being set up, and other related activities can be a bit tiring, especially if they happen in succession. I understand the need to meet new people. It's just that dating seems like such a chore. It's all about putting your best foot forward, of making sure no veggies get stuck in your teeth, of appearing kind and cheerful and understanding. Sometimes, I just want to skip the whole "getting to know you" process and skip to the "this is the real me" stage, but it seems as if I go on automatic "pleasant mode" whenever I go out with someone. 

I've been praying for patience and guidance, because even though I'm pretty even-tempered, I can be a bit impatient. I guess I'll take things as they come. I'll probably rant and sigh every time I get set up. I'll probably have to plaster on a friendly smile from time to time. But I guess no matter how you act, bits and pieces of your genuine personality trickle through. So, maybe I needn't be too concerned about keeping appearances and putting my best foot forward. Although, I still think I should work on not judging people too quickly.

thinking of summer

I was leafing through the August issue of Homes and Gardens UK. Felt inspired by the beautiful home gardens that branched out from pastel-colored kitchens. Made me think of breezy summer days out in the country~

1. Homemade Lemonade, 2. Country Style, 3. Blueberry Pancakes, 4. Rustic Kitchen