a thin line

There's a feature article on the Top 50 Most Powerful Women in the Time magazine issue I was reading. As I read through the list of names, ranging from CEOs to creative directors to communications heads, I thought of board room meetings and marketing campaigns and management directives. Most of the women on the list were in their early 50's. I'm not so sure if the management and visionary styles these women employ can be applicable to the family business setting, where the network does not stretch as wide and where considerably lesser millions are involved. As a teenager, and even now I suppose, I dreamed of wearing smart corporate attire and having meetings in board rooms lined with deep leather chairs and rich oak tables. I dreamt of having business lunches with top honchos and expanding businesses worldwide.

Now that I'm 25, I'm not so sure if those dreams can still be considered dreams in the reachable sense or if I should pack them up as fanciful. I still do have plans, more related to our current business line than the scattered business ideas I had before, but the ideas are big nonetheless and require a certain level of expertise and skill. I'd so love to bring this idea to fruition but I'm not so sure of the timing nor am I sure if I have the skill to pull such things off.

There are times when I wish there were a clearer line between family life and business life. There are certain days, like today, that suck the energy out of me, when the home suddenly becomes an extension of the office, instead of a place of respite and rest. My parents have ingrained in me a tough sense of responsibility, where one must always be alert, where even the smallest problem can bring about a domino effect of distress, where attention must be given to the slightest detail.

I understand the need to be OC, to be cautious. After all, it's not easy to fix the consequences, so best to prevent possible problems and issues to save the headache involved in solving what could have been prevented. But being human, I do feel the baggage that responsibility brings. And sometimes, when I get home, I want to feel home, in the sense that work-related things be kept in a compartment until the next work day comes along. Is it irresponsible to wish to take a breather from work? Does responsibility entail dedicating 3/4 of your brain to preventive planning and being alert and business strategy analysis? The top 50 powerful women in the Times article, when they go home, do they think about work still? Is that why they're part of the powerful list?

Sometimes I just feel guilty because I feel I should be thinking about work more. But the thought of thinking about work more leaves me feeling tired and stressed. I still haven't found the balance to work and life. When work becomes so ingrained in your personal life, it's kind of hard to separate the two. The pressure to do well and to do the right thing leaves me gasping for breathing space at times.

I can only pray for guidance and courage as I attempt to find my place in this arena where family, business, and life converge.

happy one year!

D and I, we've passed the one year mark :) Amazing how time flies. We didn't do anything special to commemorate. We spent the day baking. We made yummy chocolate walnut cookies. Our round cookies turned out to be one large rectangular cookie which we chopped into smaller square cookies but it tasted yummy all the same. I think we didn't preheat the oven enough so the round shapes I carefully put on the baking tray melted into one big rectangle :|

Ernie and Bert helped us pass the one-year mark. The rationale behind Ernie and Bert? They're not only the best of friends, but they sort of match D's and my personalities. I'm more of a Bert in the serious, OC kind of way and D's more of an Ernie in his happy-go-lucky, optimistic way. I hope I'm not as boring as Bert though :| Hehe :P

Side note: Funny conversation I had with my tutee.

J: Can you write your FB email and pw?

Me: Why do you need my pw?

J: So that I can play your Pet Society.

Me: Umm...I can't give you my pw.

J: I won't hack your FB naman. I'll just play Pet Society.

That conversation made my day :) Haha

okonomiyaki activity

Okonomiyaki cooking activity today for my Japanese class :) Asked my students to bring some ingredients and utensils and pans, borrowed two electric stove units from the school, and we cooked ourselves some yummy Japanese pizzas :)

I let my students try the fizzy Yakult-like soda drink, Calpis too :) They

seemed to like it. Over all, it was a nice break from studying Nihongo. I'm down to my last two sessions. I'll probably do some synthesis work just to recap what we tackled.

Sharing some pics from today's activity :) Teaching can be quite fulfilling. It's hard work but fulfilling.

mumblings

This week has been a series of emotionally draining days. I'm rushing too many things at work. I don't know where to start the implementations. I get so frustrated sometimes, I wish I could sleep forever and not wake up to constant worrying :| I guess work wouldn't be as fulfilling without the challenges? Oh well, nothing to do but keep my head up.

I've also been doing a lot of tiptoeing around. It's tiring to constantly watch your tongue and your actions just to make sure you don't get people's wrong sides. Sometimes, I snap. Only to end up regretting it later, but ohhh snapping feels so good when you've been high strung from tiptoeing for so long.

I wonder why it's so hard to be happy for and supportive of people sometimes. Could it be envy? Could it be anger? Hidden resentment? Insecurity? Perhaps, all of the above? Recently, I've been having frequent conversations with myself. Conversations run along the lines of me being more understanding to me trying to analyze my current state of emotions. I think I'm probably along the lines of loneliness and insecurity. I just feel lost somehow, not sure where to place myself in all this newness and activity.

Complaints and emotional conflicts aside, I'm doing well. I've been struggling to balance my time between violin practice and preparing lesson plans. I've been meaning to sneak in a few minutes of Korean studies a day but I still haven't quite figured out my schedule yet. Maybe when my teaching stint ends, I can sneak it in.

Did a talk for the multi-cultural club at gh today. It was interesting, talking to a group of around 50+ rowdy boys. But it was fun introducing them to Japanese culture. I think they enjoyed the sumo and kendo parts.

Half of the week's gone. I hope I have a relatively better latter part of the week.

kitchen experiment

Just to jot down what I did today.

- Took Sookie for her first car ride. She was terrified :| Good thing D went with us. I couldn't have handled Sookie on my own.

- Cooked miso soup :) And tried out a recipe for cashew crusted tuna steaks. We did two versions, one cooked in butter, and another marinated in miso.

- Landmark trip to buy Christmas decor for the office. Can't wait to put it up on Tuesday :)

- Cocktales - I love their tapioca balls :D So chewy~! Dorothy Perkins (I heart!), Powerbooks (All out of stock on Molly Wizenberg's A Homemade Life :( ) Dinner at Mango Tree Bistro (Tom Yum goodness)

- Origami paper panic. Trinoma NBS branch was out of stock so D took me to the SM branch :)

Today was a good day. Internet connection restored. Got to spend the day with D and my family.

Had a bit of an argument with D but I guess that's normal for relationships. I'm not quite sure what we fought about :| Like my dad always says, it's about giving and compromise. Relationships won't work if you have two headstrong people always insisting on having their way. But in the giving and taking, I wonder if both parties keep track of who's been doing most of the giving? I guess that's probably one cause of misunderstandings.

And so, the weekends with a full stomach once again.

On Saturday, D took me to The Collective's Wabi Sabi :) It's a charming vegetarian noodle shop, serving two types of noodles - Japanese shoyu ramen and Vietnamese Pho noodles. They have a wall that shows the people who prefer the ramen noodles vs those who prefer the pho noodles. I liked the pho noodles more, partly because of the crunchy tofu bits and partly because the soup was clearer. Enjoyed the noodles with Bundaberg's peach fizz drink :) It was goooood. All peachy goodness in a bottle. Yum! Pricey at 65 pesos a bottle though :( Haven't seen it in groceries either.

Went to the grocery with D afterwards. I love walking around the grocery. I think I got it from my dad. Even in foreign countries, I love walking around the grocery, looking at all the wonderful and quirky things they sell.

Currently inspired by the latest issue of Australian Homes.