money matters

i was born with a golden spoon in my mouth. whatever i wanted, i got (well, majority of it). most of what i deemed i needed were the things i could live without. but since i got used to having such luxuries in life, they were thought to be necessities. and that lifestyle has persisted until the present. true, i've made countless attempts to change my lifestyle, jolt some common sense into myself. yet bad habits die hard. i sense that my dad gets disappointed at times that i don't know the value of money. he doesn't say anything and he allows us to buy whatever we want to. but there are always the occassional reminders. i guess, when you've gotten used to such a lifestyle, you feel that money is easy to earn coz it's always available. so now, i start my ojt on monday at mead johnson (GsK called too, today. at least companies called me! ^o^ hehe). I get 187 per day. And I realized that I will eventually have to be earning money for myself, supporting my own lifestyle. Scary thought but it's one of the steps towards adulthood and independence. And i will have to learn to budget. Coz as of now, I only buy books, clothes, CDs - food, utility bills not in the picture yet. Reality has hit me, forced me to wake up to what i've always known and wanted to ignore. Growing up. Terrifying yet exhilarating. Hopefully, by the end of this ojt stint, i will have firmly implanted in my mind the value of money- given the effort and time that went into earning a salary - as well as some work experience. Yeah. It is time to take that first step into the "real world." It's time to grow up.

get off your high horse

summer heat is scorching. ice cold drinks, halo-halo, and beaches are in the scene again. there's not much to do. basically, been at home - doing whatever i think of doing - studying, surfing the net, listening to music. been thinking of concrete plans for after i graduate. still thinking...

mead johnson called last friday. ^o^ pretty surprised. have an interview on wednesday. if i get in, i think i'll work there instead of medcity. we'll see how things work out.

had french class on saturday despite it being a holiday. so my dad drove me there and dropped my mom, ai, and ni at glorietta. we left home early and searched for the mead johnson office. we didn't find it but they did eventually after dropping me off at alliance. had lunch at goldilocks. felt like a sunday. not really weird but it was different. my dad was calmer, not as busy as he usually is. i headed to glorietta after french. bought a book - the center of everything, of which i read the hardbook cover partly in canada. finished the book today. pretty good. roamed glorietta looking for a gift for my dad. settled on a hayley westenra cd. it's fun, just hanging around in a bookstore or record bar. better than going shopping. kind of soothes me - the atmosphere. also dropped by the csb exhibit. ni's friend was there. the black and white photos i saw were lovely. they were able to exude the innocence, the emotions of the people. had dinner at modern china. t'was good as they had veg dishes which weren't limited to green, leafy vegetables.

yesterday, went back to glorietta. my dad treated the family - with the exception of akim, lyx, and lynford as they're in canada - at kimpura. it was okay. i dunno.

i guess i've learned that there are different sorts of people. and sometimes you allow yourselves to be blinded by the ones you love. but then you realize that they have shortcomings too, flaws. that they tend to be selfish as well. that maybe...they just don't mean that much. that maybe you could shut them out and nothing would change, at least not drastically. i guess relatives are people related to you by blood. they're the people you grow up seeing, sharing experiences with. and i think what's truly important is the immediate family, at least in my case. coz they're the ones in close proximity. they're the ones life revolves around. and they're the ones who truly love unconditionally. life can be said to be a struggle, a search. what for...i think for love and for acceptance. but sometimes it's not given or it is but with strings attached. sometimes, we have to keep up appearances to feel loved and accepted. but sometimes that can be tiring and you just get sick of doing so. i wish that people could do away with appearances because it only makes things complicated. guessing is tiring. trying to please is tiring. why don't we try a little honesty, a little sacrifice. giving in, showing your weak side, or admitting your faults won't kill you. it will hurt your pride but that's what life's about - learning to get off your high horse. true, i've often felt that i had something to prove and that in order to do that, i had to stick to my principles. sometimes, i feel much more blessed than others and i tend to boast, show off, perhaps in subtle and not-so-subtle ways. crashing head on with another person is hard. coz you'll always feel the need to prove yourself. hardheadedness never pays. and regret always comes in hindsight, when it can't do that much good. so, i've learned the value of humility, of open-mindedness. i've also learned what love is. it's not judging at face value. it's understanding. it's caring. it's selfish too. love is acceptance. life offers us things that we did not choose and we can only accept them. we accept and respect people because of their relations to us - they are our parents, sisters, relatives. that bloodline makes all the difference. because if it were a friend, you could choose to ignore him. but if it's family, you learn to swallow the difficulties, learn to sacrifice, accept. you criticize, you hate but in the end, it doesn't change the fact that you're related by blood. families function in such complicated, funny, weird ways. oh yeah.

still typing the itinerary to my china trip. typing it in chinese so it's kinda mind-boggling. hehe