japan pavilion

japan pavilion
Originally uploaded by whimsical wanderer.

After that, we were led into this dark room filled with bamboo-like poles. The ground was uneven and sort of soft. Various colored klieg lights illuminated the white poles giving the ambiance an outer-wordly feel. The changing lights (shifting from blue to yellow to green to orange) coupled with the mist and fog and dimly lit environment was such a breathtaking sight.

morizo and kicorro

morizo and kicorro
Originally uploaded by whimsical wanderer.

The expo at night is brightly illuminated. There was a singing lamppost (which was actually like a MusicBox). The windows would open every hour or so and a song would fill the people-charged atmosphere. There was a lighted fountain and from that said fountain, a giant monkey's head came out. Basically, the theme of the Expo was sustainable development, how man and the environment can interact without harming each other.

Overall, it was a very tiring day but i really enjoyed it. ^o^

nagoya

so here i am. settled in after 8 days, a week more or less. i live in kojima dorm with nine other students - two koreans (kim and yan san), lucio san from brazil, bee and kanittha from thailand, eric from hongkong, fransiska and eka from indonesia, and nancy from taiwan. so they're my family away from home. they're really nice though and we get along fairly well. if possible, we ride the subway to school togeter. nanzan is about 15 minutes by subway from the dorm and then a 10-15 walk from the station to the school. to get to the nanzan main gate, we have to climb this really steep slope, which makes my legs hurt and my breath wheeze. but hey, it's good exercise. hehe. hopefully after awhile, climbing that slope will be a piece of cake.

classes officially started yesterday. i'm in IJ400. it's pretty intensive, though fairly so. can see why people say nanzan has a good program. lessons are conducted in japanese, even when expressing yourself, japanese is used. english cannot be used during class hours. and in the dorm too, we try our best to converse in japanese. my dormmates are really good already. some have studied for four years and others less than, but they seem to have a magnificent grasp of the language already. which is kind of frustrating but cool too. i get to pick up little bits here and there.

as for cooking and cleaning, i do it by myself. my dad and i went to the grocery a couple of times and bought stuff, stocked up. but it's good for a week or so. i'm still adjusting in a way but i feel that more or less, i've gotten the hang of it. school though is a bit hard. i can't help but feel that people know so much more than i do and i am kind of struggling to catch up. but i have faith in myself. in a few months time, i will be able to converse in straight japanese.

so now, back to the books...

a step forward

"The thing that haunted me that day...was not my ghostly image of Dracula, or the description of impalement, but the fact that these things had - apparently - actually occurred. If I listened too closely, I thought, I would hear the screams of the boys, of the "large family" dying together. For all his attention to my historical education, my father had neglected to tell me this: history's terrible moments were real. I understand now, decades later, that he could never have told me. Only history itself can convince you of such a truth. And once you've seen that truth - really seen it - you can't look away."

This is a paragraph taken from Chapter 5 of Elizabeth Kostova's The Historian, which I am currently reading - absorbed it in actually. It has this haunting narration that simply transports you far back into the distant - or not so distant - past. As I read that paragraph however, I realized that the aforementioned "history's terrible moments" haven't really ended. Evil - as does good - takes on so many facets and disguises and always finds a niche in the world - no matter how much it changes and evolves. the constant battle between good and evil. Living in this particular moment in the present, I am grateful and lucky to have not witnessed the gory World Wars, the Khmer Rouge, the communist civil wars, and all the other types of cruelty and violence.

Yet, I realize that as much as I'd like myself to believe that human beings have learned their lessons and have decided to lead peaceful lives, I cannot deny the presence of terrorism, the kidnappings and the petty thefts, the fights with rebels, and the desperation that poverty brings. It seems that history's raring to repeat itself and rear its ugly head. And it seems that people are too busy making - or wanting to make - history that they fail to realize that the "history" they're making is what we've fought so long to escape from.

All those different religions and ideologies, everyone wanting to emerge the stronger voice, wanting to shape history, and in turn - eroding, carefully destroying that peace - or maybe it was only an illusion - that we've so delicately held together. it's frustrating, painful, wistful, and terrifying seeing the world's morals and cooperation slip away day by day. even the not uncommon interjections of good deeds and shows of humanity can't seem to shrug away that nagging feeling that the world won't be able to handle all these sudden bursts of violence and cruelty. the end effect would be explosive.

...only history can convince you of such a truth... yes, if people were capable then, they are certainly capable - and even more so - nowadays. history makes things real. presently, people look to history for solutions, for inspiration and fuse them with present ideolgies. as much as i'd like to remain blissfully ignorant, i understand that i won't be able to and though the gravity of the truth terrifies me, it is where i have to live in - this world where everything seems to be going awry, this world where evil seems to be predominant, this world is where i will have to mark my existence and establish my history.

we look back into history to find the root causes of grand events. it is from history that we learn to come to terms with our present. with a history that is so rich and layered, man will never be able to completely extricate himself from history's traps and charms. history serves as a testament to powerful dynasties and empires, flourishing trade economies, and rich exotic cultures. yet it has also been witness to bloody conquerings and heinous crimes. as global current events get to be more depressing, i can only wish that when history is revisited - to gain more knowledge and understanding - the morbid parts are taken exactly as they are - as parts of history, as events long past. may we rise from the ruins of history and emerge better armed in mind and spirit.

nike women

it's a new habit of mine - reading sarah dessen's (she's one of my favorite young adult writers) blog. her august 22nd entry was quite interesting. so i'm sharing some of the stuff she found from Jane Magazine. They're actually the new ads of Nike Women.

My butt is big

And round like the letter C

And ten thousand lunges

Have made it rounder

But not smaller

And that's just fine.

It's a space heater

For my side of the bed

It's my ambassador

To those who walk behind me

It's a border collie

That herds skinny women

Away from the best deals

At clothing sales.

My butt is big

And that's just fine

And those who might scorn it

Are invited to kiss it.

...and another one...

My knees are tomboys.

They get bruised and cut

Every time I play soccer.

I'm proud of them

And wear my dresses short.

My mother worries

I will never marry

With knees like that.

But I know

There's someone out there

Who will say to me:

I love you

And I love your knees.

I want the four of us

To grow old together.

In a society abundant with constant dieting schemes and sugarfree lowfat food, it's hard not to feel envious of and intimidated by women who have "perfect" figures and can flawlessly carry off halter tops and short skirts. And as much as we'd like it to be, these women are not clones nor are they abnormal. They're perfectly normal people. So instead of wishing you were born with such good genes or worse, finding flaws and labeling such people, it's best to just be content with what you have...and i guess that's what those ads are promoting. it's not as easy done as said but hey, it's a first step. Exercise. Eat healthy. And do so not to look "just like" someone else but for yourself.

red. white. blue

was channel surfing last night and chanced upon legally blonde 2 on star movies. having nothing better to do, i struggled through the hour-and-so film. it was so ridiculous. the plot was gossamer thin. but it was fun seeing elle being so girly and sincere in her efforts. the snaps game could actually yield positive results. haha. ^o^ at parts, i didn't know whether to be irritated or to laugh out loud. despite the major flaws in plot, the movie had heart. plus, i say no to animal testing too. there must be good alternatives.

went to the japanese embassy this week to apply for a student visa. went there monday but had to go back because i didn't have a "recent" birth certificate. my dad was like what?!?! you have to renew the birth certificate every year? a person is born only once yet he has to renew his proof of birth every year. one of my mom's friends said, "oh. so that's why those lines at nso don't seem to get shorter." i wonder what's the purpose of renewing certificates every year. probably a way for the government to "earn" money. but it's totally unnecessary. go figure. i'll have to go back next monday to check the status of the application. a student visa costs 1600php. hopefully all goes well!

have started my packing already. at least for the winter/autumn clothes. three weeks left...

coffee table talk

spent the afternoon hanging out with my mom and her friends (aunties girlie, lillian, connie + yingTing) at starbucks binondo. the conversation touched quite a few topics. some of which were:

- how taxing (and expensive) it is to take care of children
- single life is more fun (though i doubt they meant that whole-heartedly)
- how saturdays seem to be more hectic than the regular weekday (for the kids at least. what with kumon sessions, sakamoto lessons, and tutorials. poor kids.
- discussing the differences between mainland china chinese and taiwanese chinese. made interesting and amusing by auntie connie's passionate nationalistic stance.
- how tedious studying was (and still is)
- a chromosome test that pregnant women above 40 need to take to determine whether the baby is healthy or if he/she has some kind of disorder. in the case of the latter, the baby is to be aborted. that got me thinking: is that ethical? it could save a lot of problems but still...

listening to them talk, i couldn't help but wonder how motherhood was like. i heard their complaints and rantings yet somehow i sensed that they somehow were thankful for these so-called "hardships." their lives revolve around their families. i wonder if they, like me, had lofty aspirations and vowed to pursue successful careers. maybe not...times were different back then. i had a lot of thoughts that time, some i can't recall now, but i remember listening to them, seeing them..thinking of a scene from a movie. four women chatting and laughing over coffee and snacks, for a moment carefree, relaxed and worry-free. isn't it amazingly comforting to see how the complexities of life can be washed away by the most mundane things? just goes to show that finding happiness and contentment is really as simple as it seems.

bore-damn

these past few days (more like weeks actually), i have been in a perpetual cycle of precariously high highs and dippingly low lows. i wonder if it's hormones. a constant alternating of adrenaline (which makes me hyper and uber contented with the world) and something that makes me go PMS (crabby, sulky, bitchy, deadly). of course, now that i'm not dealing with any stress, it's ten times more frustrating because i can't point a finger and blame anything substantial. so i just wallow in self-pity and anger and boredom and angst (am i even going through anything that could remotely qualify as angst??) and fervently hope, though i don't actually make a big effort, to snap out of my surly moodiness. so as medication, i rant. i write. i emerse myself in the "healing" process of journal-writing. i feel that i could be a punk-rock something. you know, screaming the lyrics and banging on pots and pans. all i need are chunky platform boots and black lipstick. would that be enough to represent my antisocial mood? i don't know, just couldn't think of a better analogy to sum up my feelings - which is actually a cross between "i just plain hate everbody because people just don't get what i'm feeling." to "i'm acting like a spolied brat, i should try and snap out of this destructive stage."

so before i could wreck any more havoc on myself and the happy moods of other people, i grabbed a book (well, a lot of books) and read. i read to escape boredom and reality. i read so that i don't have to remember what a self-conceited, mood-swinging, insensitive brat i've been these past few days. and so far, i've found a temporary haven in jessica darling's emotionally-troubling life. i amuse myself with her sarcasm and interesting views on mainstream life. i think the boredom's kicking in...i'd better go grab a couple more books. they are currently my lifeline.