blessed, nonetheless

Today, my Facebook app, "God wants you to know" quote says:

"...that God sees you as you truly are, - a holy child of light: I see you strong and whole. I see you blessed and prospered. I see you courageous and confident. I see you capable and successful. I see you free from all limitations or bondage of any kind. I see you as the spiritually perfect being you truly are."

I was dumbfounded. It was as if the universe was talking to me. It somehow assuaged the uneasiness I've been feeling. Call it quarter-life crisis if you may. I've been thinking about future plans and goals - mostly professional. I think I've got my personal goals in order, more or less. Top of the list on personal goals is probably to exercise more so I can get rid of the excess fat which is accumulating at a startling rate :| Tummy woes >.<

For the love of art, design, food, fashion, color, knick knacks, and kitsch - there must be a way I can tie up these interconnected things and turn them into something profitable and productive. Maybe business school would be a good way to jumpstart my plans? Do I dare call them plans or are they merely daydreams? Plans. I'll stick to calling them plans.

My current state reminds me of a few lines I read recently at Powerbooks - Lunch in Paris by Elizabeth Bard. It's a funny, humorous memoir of how an American girl falls in love with a French man and French food :) A light read, for those of you who are looking for a quick break.

From Lunch in Paris,

"For the record, I'm not an indecisive person, and I'm not a coward. I just have a very detailed imaginary life, and it sometimes takes precedence over what's actually happening around me."

"Nobody decides her whole life in a single moment. But you decide what you are unwilling to do without, and it was impossible for me to give up on this happiness. I wasn't sure I understood it or was even capable of it. But I wanted it."

Found three new interesting sites today :)

- S. Krishna's Books - For the booklovers out there,

- a glamorous little side project,
- this is glamorous

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There are times when I wish I had teletransporting powers so that I could remove myself from awkward situations. Today, I had to face my "dragon" all over again. It's been a while. I really really dislike the feeling of tension. It's stretched so thin, a single prick could make everything snap.

But that's the way things are. Ups and downs. For every down, there's an up. The world goes round and round. I just wish such moments could be fast-forwarded. They test my strength, patience, and love, so maybe I should just take these in a different perspective.

I'm just thankful that there are people who make the challenging things in life seem, well, not-so-bad :)

things i want

1. orange smocked silk blend dress, 2. Vanessa Bruno grand sac leather tote, 3. zipped ballerina suede flats, 4. gaia leaf ring

nanzankai

I wore my blue plaid shirt from dorothy perkins today. I like the soft cotton material. And i like plaid. It reminds me of cowboys and sweeping fields and chestnut horses. Kind of like the setting of the Hannah Montana movie.

Anyways, tonight was the first official meeting of the Nanzankai. Nanzan is making an effort to reach out to its international alumni. Having already organized get-togethers in Beijing, Seoul, and Bangkok, it's next stop is Manila. Got to meet Sheila - who knows Johanna, Mary Rose - whose husband knows my dad, Dennis - Ayumi's brother, and other Nanzan alumni. Got the new brochure of CJS. Reminds me of my CJS days. Good ol' days :)

Had dinner at Cafe Riviera in Heritage Hotel. Food was so-so. Enjoyed the company :) Friendly people. D picked me up at around 8:30 and we had a late dinner (:| i had dinner again) at Aristocrat. Had sotanghon soup, java rice with java sauce, salad, and puto bumbong :) I love puto bumbong~

Memorable moments included:

- D thinking I was (a) a street child asking for alms (b) a policeman asking him to move his car. He was scrambling for the switch to open the car doors. Haha he didn't see my walking towards the passenger side and was startled to hear someone knocking on his car :P The look on his face was funny :D

- The smell of coffee buns in the car :) I'm getting spoiled with food. Hehe.

- Our little chat on shots, team building games, and "warnings" :>

- "Welcome to Navotas" sign on the way home via Dagat-dagatan. Haha.

- Manny Villar jingle. LSS :-S

- あなたを守ってくれる、あなたのことを好きになっちゃってかもしれません

Fun night :) Going to bed with a smile on my face~

open communication

A lot of weddings taking place these days. I'm at that stage in life where marriage seems to be the next logical step in the life cycle. Hello, quarter century! Hehe.

Attended L's wedding reception on Saturday. Sat with Char and Maine :) Lovely evening. L looked absolutely radiant in her lovely wedding gown. She was positively beaming and all smiles. Really happy for her :)

Got to chat with Maine and Char. They helped me digest some things I was thinking about. It's always nice talking to friends. You get new perspectives on things :)

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Friday, Ni and I had dinner with Teds and D :) Dinner with Teds was looong overdue. Thanks to D for setting it up ;) Went to Apartment 1B. Cozy little place. Food is a bit on the pricey side but I guess it's for the ambiance and location, apart from the food. Would like to try their breakfast menu one of these days.

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D ran the Haribon 5k today. He was up at 4am :|

Hung around at my house for a while before heading to Shangri-la. Bought Mom's birthday gift :) And got a shirt for myself at Zara. It has rockstar bands (?) on the shoulders. It could be paired with leather pants but I'm more than happy to wear it with jeans :D

D and I tried another Choose-Your-Own-Adventure book today. I got a happy ending. D got one too, after a couple of tries :D Hehe. I think I'm lucky with such books :)

Had dinner at Shang Palace with D's family. Weekends are filled with too much eating :|

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Today, I realized that open communication isn't that hard. Most of the time, I kinda just create barriers for myself by assuming that people will react to questions with anger, animosity, or irritation. I realized that no matter how awkward the questions may seem, talking about things helps. I was able to clarify a lot of things today. Here's to open communication, peace of mind, patience, trust, and love.

not such a wonderful human being

There are some things about myself I can’t explain to anyone. There are some things I don’t understand at all. I can’t tell what I think about things or what I’m after. I don’t know what my strengths are or what I’m supposed to do about them. But if I start thinking about these things in too much detail the whole thing gets scary. And if I get scared I can only think about myself. I become really self-centered, and without meaning to, I hurt people. So I’m not such a wonderful human being.

- Haruki Murakami

I leave you with this quote by Murakami.

Communication is important. Relationships are nurtured because of open communication. They become strained because of a lack of it. Sometimes, I don't know where to start though. Sometimes, silence is the easier way out.

I may need to work on my blocking out skills. I think I let what people say affect me too much. A single thing said triggers a lot of thoughts and emotions, and my perspectives suddenly change. It's like being jostled into seeing reality. Suddenly, the little things that happened in the past are brought to the present again, this time analyzed and seen from a whole different perspective. Things get colored and I see them behind the emotions I am currently feeling.

Trust is a fragile thing. Sometimes, I'm not sure how trusting I can be.

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...And yes, I do think about the future. Thank you very much. I don't need it to be pushed into my face. I know that you do it out of love and concern. But sometimes, it causes me uncalled for concern and apprehension. I hate how easily and silently doubt creeps up on me, clouding my thoughts and engulfing me in its venomous grasp.

I am thankful that you call certain things to my attention. I know you have the best intentions. I just feel that I'd like to deal with them when the time is right. It's too early now. Too early to think so far out into the future... Isn't it?

wrong side of the bed

I think I've been waking up on the wrong side of the bed this week. I've been really groggy in the mornings, but I haven't been sleeping extraordinarily late. Sleep has just been a bit restless despite its undisturbed nature.

I've been feeling a bit out of my own skin, unable to settle down, always a mixture of jittery, tired, and impatient nerves. The slightest things get to me, even if I've been trying not to let them. I haven't gotten mad or anything, just...well...impatient and exasperated. I wonder what's causing all this pent-up negative, unstable energy. Is it me? :(

Here's hoping that sleep and laughter (even forced) and all the little good things in life help me snap out of my "wake up on the wrong side of bed" mood soon.

Soulmate

“A soulmate is someone who has locks that fit our keys, and keys to fit our locks. When we feel safe enough to open the locks, our truest selves step out and we can be completely and honestly who we are; we can be loved for who we are and not for who we’re pretending to be. Each unveils the best part of the other. No matter what else goes wrong around us, with that one person we’re safe in our own paradise. Our soulmate is someone who shares our deepest longings, our sense of direction. When we’re two balloons, and together our direction is up, chances are we’ve found the right person. Our soulmate is the one who makes life come to life.”

-Richard Bach-

January 2010

My first post for the year 2010.

The Christmas holidays involved a lot of eating, catching up (with friends and family), and just simply spreading love and holiday cheer :)

Howell and D tagged along to one of our family reunions. Memorable moments included playing with the cute bunnies, playing UNO cards with Shenielle etc, and watching the kids from a foundation sing and dance to Christmas carols and songs.

D also got to meet Ama for the first time :)

The first week of January's come and gone.

Finished some stuff at work so the past week was productive.

Started watching a new Japanese drama - O-hitorisama. Entertaining :)

Ate at Five Cows with D on Friday. I'd like to say that I have the most patient boyfriend ever :)

Was supposed to have dinner at Yakimix on Saturday but we were late for our 6pm reservation and the waiting list was about 12 families long. So, we moved to Gloria Maris for a shabu-shabu dinner with Howell and D. Howell's going back to Boston on Tues :( Ran into BC at Gloria Maris. Reminisced about Mr. Bean episodes on the way home. It would seem as if Howell and Zel have the Mr. Bean episodes memorized :O Haha. Needless to say, it was a fun ride home :)

D accompanied me to Trinoma today. Agenda was to buy a gift for L and a dress to wear to her big event next next week. I probably dragged D to a handful of stores before finding a simple and formal-enough dress at Cinderella. It was on sale too! :)

Grabbed a drink - apple lychee martini - and dessert - Bananarama - at Cocktales. I like the rice balls and pearls that came with the dessert :)

Browsed through books and magazines in National. I wonder if The Hunger Games is nice. It seems to be getting good reviews. Will wait for paperback version. Read an article in Time magazine about epigenetics and how epigenetic marks or changes in gene activity can "correct" DNA. For those interested, article can be found here. Quite an interesting read :)

Joined Mom, Dad, and Ai for dinner at Yakimix. They got there before 6. We got to eat around 7:30. Lots of people were still waiting :| The smokeless grill + buffet is a nice concept. I wish they could shorten the waiting time though or get those beepers they use in Japan :) The dinner left me bursting at the seams :| I've been eating too much these days. Yikes.

Hoping to catch Alvin and the Chipmunks and Sherlock Holmes next week :)