Thursday, April 14, 2005
money matters
i was born with a golden spoon in my mouth. whatever i wanted, i got (well, majority of it). most of what i deemed i needed were the things i could live without. but since i got used to having such luxuries in life, they were thought to be necessities. and that lifestyle has persisted until the present. true, i've made countless attempts to change my lifestyle, jolt some common sense into myself. yet bad habits die hard. i sense that my dad gets disappointed at times that i don't know the value of money. he doesn't say anything and he allows us to buy whatever we want to. but there are always the occassional reminders. i guess, when you've gotten used to such a lifestyle, you feel that money is easy to earn coz it's always available. so now, i start my ojt on monday at mead johnson (GsK called too, today. at least companies called me! ^o^ hehe). I get 187 per day. And I realized that I will eventually have to be earning money for myself, supporting my own lifestyle. Scary thought but it's one of the steps towards adulthood and independence. And i will have to learn to budget. Coz as of now, I only buy books, clothes, CDs - food, utility bills not in the picture yet. Reality has hit me, forced me to wake up to what i've always known and wanted to ignore. Growing up. Terrifying yet exhilarating. Hopefully, by the end of this ojt stint, i will have firmly implanted in my mind the value of money- given the effort and time that went into earning a salary - as well as some work experience. Yeah. It is time to take that first step into the "real world." It's time to grow up.
Monday, April 11, 2005
get off your high horse
summer heat is scorching. ice cold drinks, halo-halo, and beaches are in the scene again. there's not much to do. basically, been at home - doing whatever i think of doing - studying, surfing the net, listening to music. been thinking of concrete plans for after i graduate. still thinking...
mead johnson called last friday. ^o^ pretty surprised. have an interview on wednesday. if i get in, i think i'll work there instead of medcity. we'll see how things work out.
had french class on saturday despite it being a holiday. so my dad drove me there and dropped my mom, ai, and ni at glorietta. we left home early and searched for the mead johnson office. we didn't find it but they did eventually after dropping me off at alliance. had lunch at goldilocks. felt like a sunday. not really weird but it was different. my dad was calmer, not as busy as he usually is. i headed to glorietta after french. bought a book - the center of everything, of which i read the hardbook cover partly in canada. finished the book today. pretty good. roamed glorietta looking for a gift for my dad. settled on a hayley westenra cd. it's fun, just hanging around in a bookstore or record bar. better than going shopping. kind of soothes me - the atmosphere. also dropped by the csb exhibit. ni's friend was there. the black and white photos i saw were lovely. they were able to exude the innocence, the emotions of the people. had dinner at modern china. t'was good as they had veg dishes which weren't limited to green, leafy vegetables.
yesterday, went back to glorietta. my dad treated the family - with the exception of akim, lyx, and lynford as they're in canada - at kimpura. it was okay. i dunno.
i guess i've learned that there are different sorts of people. and sometimes you allow yourselves to be blinded by the ones you love. but then you realize that they have shortcomings too, flaws. that they tend to be selfish as well. that maybe...they just don't mean that much. that maybe you could shut them out and nothing would change, at least not drastically. i guess relatives are people related to you by blood. they're the people you grow up seeing, sharing experiences with. and i think what's truly important is the immediate family, at least in my case. coz they're the ones in close proximity. they're the ones life revolves around. and they're the ones who truly love unconditionally. life can be said to be a struggle, a search. what for...i think for love and for acceptance. but sometimes it's not given or it is but with strings attached. sometimes, we have to keep up appearances to feel loved and accepted. but sometimes that can be tiring and you just get sick of doing so. i wish that people could do away with appearances because it only makes things complicated. guessing is tiring. trying to please is tiring. why don't we try a little honesty, a little sacrifice. giving in, showing your weak side, or admitting your faults won't kill you. it will hurt your pride but that's what life's about - learning to get off your high horse. true, i've often felt that i had something to prove and that in order to do that, i had to stick to my principles. sometimes, i feel much more blessed than others and i tend to boast, show off, perhaps in subtle and not-so-subtle ways. crashing head on with another person is hard. coz you'll always feel the need to prove yourself. hardheadedness never pays. and regret always comes in hindsight, when it can't do that much good. so, i've learned the value of humility, of open-mindedness. i've also learned what love is. it's not judging at face value. it's understanding. it's caring. it's selfish too. love is acceptance. life offers us things that we did not choose and we can only accept them. we accept and respect people because of their relations to us - they are our parents, sisters, relatives. that bloodline makes all the difference. because if it were a friend, you could choose to ignore him. but if it's family, you learn to swallow the difficulties, learn to sacrifice, accept. you criticize, you hate but in the end, it doesn't change the fact that you're related by blood. families function in such complicated, funny, weird ways. oh yeah.
still typing the itinerary to my china trip. typing it in chinese so it's kinda mind-boggling. hehe
mead johnson called last friday. ^o^ pretty surprised. have an interview on wednesday. if i get in, i think i'll work there instead of medcity. we'll see how things work out.
had french class on saturday despite it being a holiday. so my dad drove me there and dropped my mom, ai, and ni at glorietta. we left home early and searched for the mead johnson office. we didn't find it but they did eventually after dropping me off at alliance. had lunch at goldilocks. felt like a sunday. not really weird but it was different. my dad was calmer, not as busy as he usually is. i headed to glorietta after french. bought a book - the center of everything, of which i read the hardbook cover partly in canada. finished the book today. pretty good. roamed glorietta looking for a gift for my dad. settled on a hayley westenra cd. it's fun, just hanging around in a bookstore or record bar. better than going shopping. kind of soothes me - the atmosphere. also dropped by the csb exhibit. ni's friend was there. the black and white photos i saw were lovely. they were able to exude the innocence, the emotions of the people. had dinner at modern china. t'was good as they had veg dishes which weren't limited to green, leafy vegetables.
yesterday, went back to glorietta. my dad treated the family - with the exception of akim, lyx, and lynford as they're in canada - at kimpura. it was okay. i dunno.
i guess i've learned that there are different sorts of people. and sometimes you allow yourselves to be blinded by the ones you love. but then you realize that they have shortcomings too, flaws. that they tend to be selfish as well. that maybe...they just don't mean that much. that maybe you could shut them out and nothing would change, at least not drastically. i guess relatives are people related to you by blood. they're the people you grow up seeing, sharing experiences with. and i think what's truly important is the immediate family, at least in my case. coz they're the ones in close proximity. they're the ones life revolves around. and they're the ones who truly love unconditionally. life can be said to be a struggle, a search. what for...i think for love and for acceptance. but sometimes it's not given or it is but with strings attached. sometimes, we have to keep up appearances to feel loved and accepted. but sometimes that can be tiring and you just get sick of doing so. i wish that people could do away with appearances because it only makes things complicated. guessing is tiring. trying to please is tiring. why don't we try a little honesty, a little sacrifice. giving in, showing your weak side, or admitting your faults won't kill you. it will hurt your pride but that's what life's about - learning to get off your high horse. true, i've often felt that i had something to prove and that in order to do that, i had to stick to my principles. sometimes, i feel much more blessed than others and i tend to boast, show off, perhaps in subtle and not-so-subtle ways. crashing head on with another person is hard. coz you'll always feel the need to prove yourself. hardheadedness never pays. and regret always comes in hindsight, when it can't do that much good. so, i've learned the value of humility, of open-mindedness. i've also learned what love is. it's not judging at face value. it's understanding. it's caring. it's selfish too. love is acceptance. life offers us things that we did not choose and we can only accept them. we accept and respect people because of their relations to us - they are our parents, sisters, relatives. that bloodline makes all the difference. because if it were a friend, you could choose to ignore him. but if it's family, you learn to swallow the difficulties, learn to sacrifice, accept. you criticize, you hate but in the end, it doesn't change the fact that you're related by blood. families function in such complicated, funny, weird ways. oh yeah.
still typing the itinerary to my china trip. typing it in chinese so it's kinda mind-boggling. hehe
Sunday, March 20, 2005
the summer book
it's a title of the book by Tove Jansson. Haven't read it yet. Thought of it as it is summer already. Yes, the weeks of hell are over. This sem was the most difficult. I just felt uncoordinated most of the time, didn't know what to do or how to manage. So *sigh* it's finally over!! ^o^ Thank you Lord for helping me pull it through.
Over the past few weeks, things have happened. I've gotten to know my sister better. And I guess I've come to understand that people come from different contexts. That we each have our own way of seeing things and that even if it's hard, it's still best to respect each other's differences and to see a person in terms of the situation he is in too, and not just judge a person's character. Also, I've realized that we have different ways of expressing emotions, of showing love. Sometimes, it's a waste in that the people we love never know how much we are really giving and sacrificing. And that sometimes we are misunderstood. Life is complicated. People are complicated. But I enjoy the complications. Gives me something to think about. And i like thinking. Makes me stop and slow down. Makes me put things into perspective.
French class started today. Good thing Madame Yoly's still our teacher so that there's some continuity in the lessons. We talked about cause/consequence patterns. A bit confusing. JapClass was fun. Studied conditional phrases. Have lotsa homework. Midterms on April 16. Really have to work on listening. Watched a Japanese talk show, was able to catch a few words. But still, Japanese people talk too fast. Hehe.
Ni and I are home alone. Parents and Eizel are in Pampanga. Kinda fun being home alone. Went to Rockwell on Friday. Bought some Combos for the plane ride. Airplane food makes me sick. And i need something salty to tide me by. There weren't any Ritz crackers so made do with Combos. Ate at Kaya. The people there thought we were Korean i think. Had beancurd stew. Perfect comfort food. Spicy and hot. Yum ^o^ Bought my dad some beef stew which he ate with much gusto. I enjoy quiet evenings. Just walking around malls, talking with my sister. We get to catch up on things. Since we're usually both busy with school. And we have friends of our own. Time together makes me realize that she is my best friend. There's nothing like having a sister (or two) to talk to. We should make it a habit. Take a day off during the week just to hang out at the mall or have dinner. A few hours to unwind and relax.
finished watching Sweet 18 starring lee dong gun and han ji hye. they make such a cute couple! funny story. annoying at times but it all tied up pretty well in the end. i'm gonna watch full house next. i like song hye gyo's role there. happy happy dramas are better than overly dramatic teary ones. so there. vacation mode. that's korean dramas, tv, books, language...after a few more weeks practicum, korean classes (i hope!), and school, plus might finish my jap minor (thru a three-day seminar). called jung-in and inquired about korean classes. might enroll for the april session after i fix my ojt sched. have to get my contract at MedCity. Applied at the Psychiatric Ward there. Wonder how that'll turn out, hopefully I'll come out in one piece. Gulp.
Going to China on Monday. Qingdao. Excited about that. Want to visit airports. Love airports - the energy, the shops, the atmosphere. Will get to practice my Mandarin. Haven't used it in years. Listened to it, yeah. But converse using it - that's another thing. Wonder what it's like. Heard that it was a really nice place. Read that it was forcefully taken by Germany which is why it's kinda European with red-tiled houses and all. I love traveling. Just don't enjoy the plane rides.
There. Jotted down all the rambling thoughts. Turned out pretty long. Just wanted to get things out of my system. Can't sleep anyways. Should try tossing and turning. Need to wake up at 6. Life seems so boring and monotonous at times. Then i try to perk myself up by thinking of something to look forward to. Reminds me of Ashlee Simpson's song Giving it all away. Are we just giving it all away - our givens? Still thinking philo. Being-towards-death. Face of the other. Wish i could channel my life into something productive and worthwhile- not just thinking about doing something productive - but actually doing it. Will work on that. It will happen...in due time.
Currently listening to: Switchfoot, Vanessa Carlton, various Korean songs (which i've been meaning to translate).
Over the past few weeks, things have happened. I've gotten to know my sister better. And I guess I've come to understand that people come from different contexts. That we each have our own way of seeing things and that even if it's hard, it's still best to respect each other's differences and to see a person in terms of the situation he is in too, and not just judge a person's character. Also, I've realized that we have different ways of expressing emotions, of showing love. Sometimes, it's a waste in that the people we love never know how much we are really giving and sacrificing. And that sometimes we are misunderstood. Life is complicated. People are complicated. But I enjoy the complications. Gives me something to think about. And i like thinking. Makes me stop and slow down. Makes me put things into perspective.
French class started today. Good thing Madame Yoly's still our teacher so that there's some continuity in the lessons. We talked about cause/consequence patterns. A bit confusing. JapClass was fun. Studied conditional phrases. Have lotsa homework. Midterms on April 16. Really have to work on listening. Watched a Japanese talk show, was able to catch a few words. But still, Japanese people talk too fast. Hehe.
Ni and I are home alone. Parents and Eizel are in Pampanga. Kinda fun being home alone. Went to Rockwell on Friday. Bought some Combos for the plane ride. Airplane food makes me sick. And i need something salty to tide me by. There weren't any Ritz crackers so made do with Combos. Ate at Kaya. The people there thought we were Korean i think. Had beancurd stew. Perfect comfort food. Spicy and hot. Yum ^o^ Bought my dad some beef stew which he ate with much gusto. I enjoy quiet evenings. Just walking around malls, talking with my sister. We get to catch up on things. Since we're usually both busy with school. And we have friends of our own. Time together makes me realize that she is my best friend. There's nothing like having a sister (or two) to talk to. We should make it a habit. Take a day off during the week just to hang out at the mall or have dinner. A few hours to unwind and relax.
finished watching Sweet 18 starring lee dong gun and han ji hye. they make such a cute couple! funny story. annoying at times but it all tied up pretty well in the end. i'm gonna watch full house next. i like song hye gyo's role there. happy happy dramas are better than overly dramatic teary ones. so there. vacation mode. that's korean dramas, tv, books, language...after a few more weeks practicum, korean classes (i hope!), and school, plus might finish my jap minor (thru a three-day seminar). called jung-in and inquired about korean classes. might enroll for the april session after i fix my ojt sched. have to get my contract at MedCity. Applied at the Psychiatric Ward there. Wonder how that'll turn out, hopefully I'll come out in one piece. Gulp.
Going to China on Monday. Qingdao. Excited about that. Want to visit airports. Love airports - the energy, the shops, the atmosphere. Will get to practice my Mandarin. Haven't used it in years. Listened to it, yeah. But converse using it - that's another thing. Wonder what it's like. Heard that it was a really nice place. Read that it was forcefully taken by Germany which is why it's kinda European with red-tiled houses and all. I love traveling. Just don't enjoy the plane rides.
There. Jotted down all the rambling thoughts. Turned out pretty long. Just wanted to get things out of my system. Can't sleep anyways. Should try tossing and turning. Need to wake up at 6. Life seems so boring and monotonous at times. Then i try to perk myself up by thinking of something to look forward to. Reminds me of Ashlee Simpson's song Giving it all away. Are we just giving it all away - our givens? Still thinking philo. Being-towards-death. Face of the other. Wish i could channel my life into something productive and worthwhile- not just thinking about doing something productive - but actually doing it. Will work on that. It will happen...in due time.
Currently listening to: Switchfoot, Vanessa Carlton, various Korean songs (which i've been meaning to translate).
Saturday, February 26, 2005
smokin'
had dinner at Queens today. it's the Indian Asian restaurant along Jupiter, also the restaurant featured in philstar. read in the article that it served veggie so told my parents i wanted to give it a try. the food was pretty good. we told the waiter that we wanted our food only mildly spiced. turns out mild is still HOT. we drank quite a few glasses of water. but the spiciness added a unique zesty twist to the food. it was after all what gave the food an Indian twist. i ate roti and an Indian family was kind of staring at me as to how i was eating it. most of the restaurant goers were Indians and they seem kind if surprised seeing Chinese there ^o^ pretty funny. so final verdict: i'd go back again. the food was good. something different from the normal american fast food/chinese cuisine i eat. plus the fact that they have a lot of veg dishes doesn't hurt. Indian culture is actually really interesting. the place reminded me of prerna. hehe. =p
french class. we took photos for our roman photo. Mon was super funny with his antics and overacting. he kept the whole class laughing. it was really fun. acting and posing. at first, we thought he was absent. seeing how he emoted, we joked that he had was late for class because he had been rehearsing. ^o^ karyn and tita cora took the pics. karyn's camera is so cool!! an slr digicam. wow! she took classes in the states. seeing her capture shots made me want to take up photography ^-^ margaret, maek, karyn, and i made the skit in class last session. it was about a new student and how the class snubs him and he gets mad and takes revenge by locking the class out of the classroom and throwing away their cahiers d'exercises. then when the teacher gets mad because no one but the new student has homework, he plays hero by "finding" the lost cahiers d'exercises. overall, it was a fun class. last session's next week. have to enroll for module 10. hope the roman photo turns out well. then again, even if it doesn't, it was really memorable making it. <(^o^)/
french class. we took photos for our roman photo. Mon was super funny with his antics and overacting. he kept the whole class laughing. it was really fun. acting and posing. at first, we thought he was absent. seeing how he emoted, we joked that he had was late for class because he had been rehearsing. ^o^ karyn and tita cora took the pics. karyn's camera is so cool!! an slr digicam. wow! she took classes in the states. seeing her capture shots made me want to take up photography ^-^ margaret, maek, karyn, and i made the skit in class last session. it was about a new student and how the class snubs him and he gets mad and takes revenge by locking the class out of the classroom and throwing away their cahiers d'exercises. then when the teacher gets mad because no one but the new student has homework, he plays hero by "finding" the lost cahiers d'exercises. overall, it was a fun class. last session's next week. have to enroll for module 10. hope the roman photo turns out well. then again, even if it doesn't, it was really memorable making it. <(^o^)/
*sigh* (btw, heard of the penis festival?)
i've just finished the related lit i sent to my email thru ebsco. i'm going to be doing a LOT of reading. around 25 pages of single spaced, tahoma font size 8. O-O whooboy. i can do this! ^o^ hopefully by tomorrow.
things to do:
psych testing paper
philo synthesis paper
history final project on bunraku puppets
social psych final paper
social psych long test (study!!)
chem exercises (i am way behind. mind not "spongy" so not very good absorbant)
finish application form for nanzan university
two weeks before finals. things are PILING up. makes me really want to procrastinate. gulp. to rationalize my overwhelming sense of panic for what is (yet) to come - all this will be over in 2 weeks. i can get pass this. nothing i've never done before. now, if i could only believe all that. haha.
learned in history class thurs. that there's such a thing as a penis festival. had the whole class laughing their heads off. apparently, it's a japanese folklore. there was a woman who had a demon in her uterus or something. and the demon would bite off men's members whenever the woman engaged in intercourse. so someone had to make a steel penis so that the demon' s teeth fell off. they even hold parades and carry around penis shaped stuff. unbelievable. also, discussed the urban legend of the slit-mouth woman. then how the japanese used to discriminate people with certain blood types (AB). overall, it was quite an interesting and entertaining report. \(^_^)>
cha came over today. it was fun, idlyllic, comfy ^o^ had "jackstone tournaments." talked. did homework. we kind of just loafed around all afternoon.
things to do:
psych testing paper
philo synthesis paper
history final project on bunraku puppets
social psych final paper
social psych long test (study!!)
chem exercises (i am way behind. mind not "spongy" so not very good absorbant)
finish application form for nanzan university
two weeks before finals. things are PILING up. makes me really want to procrastinate. gulp. to rationalize my overwhelming sense of panic for what is (yet) to come - all this will be over in 2 weeks. i can get pass this. nothing i've never done before. now, if i could only believe all that. haha.
learned in history class thurs. that there's such a thing as a penis festival. had the whole class laughing their heads off. apparently, it's a japanese folklore. there was a woman who had a demon in her uterus or something. and the demon would bite off men's members whenever the woman engaged in intercourse. so someone had to make a steel penis so that the demon' s teeth fell off. they even hold parades and carry around penis shaped stuff. unbelievable. also, discussed the urban legend of the slit-mouth woman. then how the japanese used to discriminate people with certain blood types (AB). overall, it was quite an interesting and entertaining report. \(^_^)>
cha came over today. it was fun, idlyllic, comfy ^o^ had "jackstone tournaments." talked. did homework. we kind of just loafed around all afternoon.
stuck in the future
You Are 25 Years Old |
25 Under 12: You are a kid at heart. You still have an optimistic life view - and you look at the world with awe. 13-19: You are a teenager at heart. You question authority and are still trying to find your place in this world. 20-29: You are a twentysomething at heart. You feel excited about what's to come... love, work, and new experiences. 30-39: You are a thirtysomething at heart. You've had a taste of success and true love, but you want more! 40+: You are a mature adult. You've been through most of the ups and downs of life already. Now you get to sit back and relax. |
Sunday, February 20, 2005
roadtrip
i just finished reading zigzag, the book angel lent me. it got me thinking about the "roadtrips" - more like out of town trips - i had, which consisted mostly of trips to tagaytay or clark. they were memorable albeit a bit boring. the closest thing to a roadtrip would probably be the time a few of my relatives - cousins, aunts, and all, plus my grandparents - and nini and i went to china. we went to namhai, shanghai, and xiamen. it was fun. we joked around, shopped (mostly window-shopped), and struggled to understand our so-called native language. that trip was the last time i had a trip with my grandpa. since then, we've never really had group outings anymore. it's fun to reminisce...
it'd be really cool to do things spontaneously, to make decisions on a whim, go where the wind takes you. most, actually all of my trips anywhere have been planned to the last detail. i'm not complaining. i am after all pretty orderly and panic at the occassional snags in the schedule. i just thought that routine can be boring. life needs to be spiced up a bit once in a while. wonder if i could handle all the spontaneity.
i really enjoyed the book. made me realize how as a psychology major, it's so easy to over read people's behavior. like in marsh's case, drawing violent pictures does not necessarily mean that the kid has a violent personality. sometimes we exaggerate the simplest things. i guess that could be lesson#1 in counseling - take things as they are. don't overread or jump to conclusions. counseling seems fulfilling. i think i could manage doing child counseling. at least, i'm getting ideas, things that could help me find a sense of direction.
it'd be really cool to do things spontaneously, to make decisions on a whim, go where the wind takes you. most, actually all of my trips anywhere have been planned to the last detail. i'm not complaining. i am after all pretty orderly and panic at the occassional snags in the schedule. i just thought that routine can be boring. life needs to be spiced up a bit once in a while. wonder if i could handle all the spontaneity.
i really enjoyed the book. made me realize how as a psychology major, it's so easy to over read people's behavior. like in marsh's case, drawing violent pictures does not necessarily mean that the kid has a violent personality. sometimes we exaggerate the simplest things. i guess that could be lesson#1 in counseling - take things as they are. don't overread or jump to conclusions. counseling seems fulfilling. i think i could manage doing child counseling. at least, i'm getting ideas, things that could help me find a sense of direction.
Thursday, February 17, 2005
the way home
yesterday was a memorable day for me. two things happened. first, i actually managed to get home from ateneo using only public transportation (clap! clap!) hehe v(^o^)v i took the lrt2 and lrt1 lines. it was actually fun. reminded me of when i was in taiwan. so, now i can get home when there's no one to pick me up. i got lost at recto coz i didn't know where the doroteo jose to monumento station once. luckily, the person i asked was kind enough to help me. so i made it home in one piece. whew. the second thing was that i was nominated for an exchange program to nanzan unviersity in nagoya, japan. i got the forms and brochure today. so now, i'm happy and scared at the same time. since i am unfamiliar with nagoya, i am wary of whether i should go or not. people have been telling me that i should go since it's a once-in-a-lifetime opportunity. some tell me that i should wait until after i graduate. actually, that's one of my parents' conditions. i can go to japan but i should finish my studies when i come back. ^-^which of course i will. so, i'm giving myself until next week to come up with a final decision. hope it's the right one i make.
and yes, the yearbook has finally come out. yey! feel like cheering and jumping up and down. thanks super to camie who supervised the entire process. so now, aizza and i are going to plan a dinner reunion so that the yearbooks can be given to their rightful owners. after that, my high school responsibility is over. hehe.
and i'm thinking, i might give the med city psychiatric ward a chance. talked to my cousin tonight. got a better picture of how it's like working in such a ward, asked a few questions. seems interesting.
and yes, the yearbook has finally come out. yey! feel like cheering and jumping up and down. thanks super to camie who supervised the entire process. so now, aizza and i are going to plan a dinner reunion so that the yearbooks can be given to their rightful owners. after that, my high school responsibility is over. hehe.
and i'm thinking, i might give the med city psychiatric ward a chance. talked to my cousin tonight. got a better picture of how it's like working in such a ward, asked a few questions. seems interesting.
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