Sunday, January 18, 2009

The Beauty of Memories

The Curious Case of Benjamin Button unfolds through the series of events that Benjamin has jotted down in his weary leather journal. The audience plays silent witness to the story written in the journal's yellowing pages and handwritten scribbles. As Caroline reads the journal to her mother, we go along for the anything-but-ordinary ride and in the process, experience a remarkably surprising yet exquisitely poignant tale of love and life.

The film starts off with the tale of a blind clockmaker, who in dealing with his grief for the son he lost during war, made a magnificent clock whose unique feature was that its second hand moved counter-clockwise. He intentionally made it that way, the clockmaker said, because he wished he could turn back time and undo all the horrible things that happened to him, to his son, to the world.

It's a peculiar thing, experiencing life backward. We are thrown head first into the complicated, boisterous world of adults. And because our young minds cannot really understand all the comings and goings of society, we simply accept whatever is thrown at us and go along for the ride, absorbing everything like a sponge, never really distinguishing the good from the bad, never quite comprehending what is right and what is wrong. Wouldn't that just put our basic moral foundations in disarray?

But Benjamin turns out pretty well, despite the unusual childhood he led. Like many youth, he left home in search for his identity and place in the world at the age of 17, except his exuberance and derring-do was housed in a 60ish old body. He travels the world as a seaman, meets new people and acquaintances, falls in love, experiences death and war. He grows up and becomes a man.

Benjamin makes a lot of decisions in the film. He makes tough choices and regrets having missed out on certain opportunities. The film touches on how our lives are intricately intertwined with the decisions - be they inconsequential or life-altering - that people make. All those seemingly small decisions tumble against one another, creating a worldwide domino effect. Life is full of what if's and if only's. We cannot possibly control all the different decisions people make in their everyday lives, much less the order of the cosmos. While our lives can be partly said to be result of our choices, we never see the whole picture. And we can only hope and pray that we have enough strength and faith to play out the cards that were dealt us.

The relationship between Benjamin and Daisy ties up the different ends of the story. He meets Daisy when he is young. Daisy seems to sense the youthful energy behind Benjamin's wrinkled features, and they immediately form a kindred connection. The film is, at its core, a love story. It is a story about the sacrifices and choices we make to protect and preserve love - not only romantic love but love in all possible senses and dimensions of the word. Love runs the whole gamut of emotions, from the blissful happiness during the falling in love state, to the decided perseverance in choosing to weather out the falls, to the peaceful contentment of a comfortable co-existence, and lastly to the hollow sadness one feels when losing a partner. There are lucky ones who have the chance to experience a lifetime of love. There are those who never really got a chance at it. Then, there are those whose happiness gets taken away midway. These are the people who only have memories to look back to, memories which serve as a window to a long ago existence and they enthrall and torment with the sweet lingering happiness and sad haunting longing they evoke.

Memories are symbols of the milestones we had in our lives. As mortals, we acknowledge that life is temporary and thus realize the importance of memories. Many a good night is shared when friends and family reminisce over dinner or drinks about past events - be they triumphs or failures. There's a good reason why we have the expression "to see things in hindsight." Because it is when we look back and reflect on the things that were, that we come to terms with, and sometimes even appreciate, where we are now. It is in the looking back that we are able to move forward.

~It is not the years in our life that matter but the life in our years.~

Thursday, January 15, 2009

chinese new year reminds me of...

Chinese New Year is fast approaching. As we start preparing for the rituals and celebrations, I thought I'd list down some things that pop into mind during this lunar calendar holiday.

- Feng shui. Someone came by our house earlier and offered some remodeling tips :P We need to have a fish pond constructed in our garden as our house lacks the element water. Feng shui advisers have an uncanny ability to detect people's personalities and various supernatural and natural vibrations. Interesting but a bit scary~

- Horoscope readings. It's the year of the ox which means new predictions on whether this year is a good one or not-so-good. 

- Kiet-a (the tiny ponkans). It's the time of year for buying taro, golden coins, lucky trinkets, etc to help shower in good fortune for the new year.

- Tikoy! Resembles the Japanese o-mochi but we cook it by dipping the white rice cake in egg and frying it. Recent years have seen the addition of sweet corn, pandan, and ube-flavored tikoy. Of course, there's always the belief of offering tikoy to the Kitchen God so that he won't report bad things about your household :P

*****
i've been feeling a bit sluggish lately. maybe it's because of the cool weather these days. or it's because i'm experiencing a bit of a quarter life crisis and i'd like nothing more than to squirm away from decision-making. i need to re-focus. 

taking alc next week. not really expecting anything. i just hope to learn from it :)

Sunday, January 11, 2009

friendship

Had a fun Saturday get-together with HS friends :)
Met up with Lin, Malt, and Jerome at the Trinoma MRT station after Korean class.
Lin and I were able to catch during the train ride to Ayala. I missed talking to her :)

Met up with the rest of the peeps at Fely J's.
Dinner was filled with lots of anecdotes - high school teachers, Jerome's MRT moment, Hans' dorm experiences - and laughter.

Also got to chat with Candee and Char's mom :)

Overall, it was a simple dinner made special by the company.

*This week's gratitude list:

1. Saturday get-together/bonding with friends
2. Got to chat with Sir Capili and other Ateneo friends on Facebook
3. YM with Neil who has such a unique brand of sarcasm and humor :P
4. Family dinner at Sentro (although Ni wasn't able to go :( )
5. Getting an e-mail from B, who I haven't heard from in ages!

I read a quote by Abraham Lincoln today and it sort of stuck to me.

It's not the years in our life that matter, but the life in our years.

Very true, isn't it? :) Interesting play of words.

Tuesday, January 06, 2009

being vegetarian

I don't remember exactly when I became vegetarian.
I do, however, remember why I chose to become vegetarian.
One of our family friends lent me a video to watch. As you may have guessed, it was about slaughter houses :( I was in first year or second year high school at that time. I only have vague recollections of what that video contained but I remember just crying and crying, and an overwhelming sense of pain and pity. And that was what triggered my decision to shift to a vegetarian diet.

Of course, being 13 and belonging to a Chinese community, my decision wasn't very well accepted, and after a few months or so, I succumbed to the disapproving stares of my relatives and resumed a normal omnivorous diet. It was in 2nd year college that I decided to go vegetarian again. This time, instead of stopping cold turkey, I first removed red meat from my diet. Eventually, I got rid of chicken, and lastly fish and seafood.

I'm not a strict vegetarian in the sense that I can eat dishes that have meat or seafood mixed in them. I try my best to remove the meat, etc but it's alright if I happen to eat some of the morsels I missed. I'm okay with drinking fish soup or seafood soup. I don't gag when I eat meat, although it does taste different now since it's been removed from my diet for a while. I am not bothered when people who eat meat. In my family, I am the only one who is vegetarian. I help out in the kitchen and I cook meat dishes too.

In the almost 5 years that I have been practicing such a lifestyle, I have oft been the object of disapproving looks and sarcastic comments. I've always tried to take these with a grain of salt, but I've come to realize that the Chinese community is a harsh place for a vegetarian to be in :S

I admit that I have a harder time bonding with people over dinner because my food choices are limited. I don't know if I don't have much interest in food because I'm vegetarian or if I didn't really care about food in the first place :P I dread mealtimes when I go out with new people. It's such an awkward experience :(

I'm writing about this now because my grandparents have been telling me that it will be hard to meet someone who will accept my vegetarian ways. My sister, of course, tells me that people who care will accept me for who I am. While I am thankful that my relatives have learned to accept my non-meat eating ways, I am doubtful if society - particulary Chinese society - will be as kind. I am getting tired of receiving derogatory comments and judgmental looks, and sometimes I wonder if it's worth the effort. I guess it all boils down to my priority. Is being accepted worth giving up a principle I believe in? It is perhaps, in part, a struggle for identity, and wanting that identity to be recognized and respected.

People's opinions and comments just make me sad sometimes.
They cause me to re-think things, to doubt my decisions. They make me revisit the reasons why I made the decision to become vegetarian.
Honestly speaking, I know I won't be changing my diet anytime soon. Maybe it's because I've been at it too long.
So, I should just put a brave face on and accept that there will always be opposing opinions.
If only indifference could be learned overnight.

Friday, January 02, 2009

Gotta Be Somebody

This song strikes a chord.
It says something about my current state of emotions.
Cool song~
----------------------------------
Gotta Be Somebody
performed by Nickelback

This time, I wonder what it feels like
To find the one in this life, the one we all dream of
But dreams just aren't enough
So I'll be waiting for the real thing
I'll know it by the feeling
The moment when we're meeting, will play out like a scene
Straight off the silver screen
So I'll be holding my own breath, right up 'til the end
Until that moment when, I find the one that I'll spend forever with

Cause nobody wants to be the last one there
Cause everyone wants to feel like someone cares
Someone to love with my life in their hands
There's gotta be somebody for me like that
Cause nobody wants to do it on their own
And everyone wants to know they're not alone
There's somebody else that feels the same somewhere
There's gotta be somebody for me out there

Tonight, out on the street, out in the moonlight
And dammit this feels too right, it's just like deja vu
Me standing here with you
So I'll be holding my own breath, could this be the end
Is it that moment when, I find the one that I'll spend forever with

Cause nobody wants to be the last one there
Cause everyone wants to feel like someone cares
Someone to love with my life in their hands
There's gotta be somebody for me like that
Cause nobody wants to do it on their own
And everyone wants to know they're not alone
There's somebody else that feels the same somewhere
There's gotta be somebody for me out there

You can't give up, looking for a diamond in the rough
You never know, when it shows up, make sure you're holding on
Cause it could be the one, the one you're waiting on
Cause nobody wants to be the last one there
And everyone wants to feel like someone cares
Someone to love with my life in their hands
There's gotta be somebody for me

Nobody wants to do it on their own
And everyone wants to know their not alone
There's somebody else that feels the same somewhere
There's gotta be somebody for me out there
Nobody wants to be the last one there
Cause everyone wants to feel like someone cares
There's somebody else that feels the same somewhere
There's gotta be somebody for me out there

Thursday, January 01, 2009

on the safe side

I only noticed now, that I haven't written any entries for December.
To encapsulate, I was the Xmas Party Chair for the (as the name suggests) Christmas Party of Fujitsu and Weserv. Now that I'm looking at it in retrospect, I feel a calm sense of fulfillment and even happiness. But in the heat of things, I was stressing over the purchasing of raffle prizes, program preparation, stage safety, weather conditions, and releasing of funds. Being fairly new to the company, I was often nervous about whom to approach, whom to ask, but I was blessed with a committee of dedicated and helpful people. Without their help, I would've been a dead duck :( And so, the party's over. I enjoyed the WeServ fashion show presentation tremendously. I am happy that all is done and over with. To be honest though, I still don't know how I managed to pull it off...

I have a new project at work which I guess will keep me busy in the meantime.

Went to Bohol and Cebu for a family vacation. Had fun being tourists and eating :D Posted photos on my multiply site so feel free to visit. My favorite part of the trip was seeing the tarsiers and the chocolate hills. And getting to catch up with Kim in Cebu :)

So, that's the past year.

*****
Happy new year! It is now 2009. The first official day of 2009.
I've spent half the day trying to change my template but I couldn't tweak the margins so I'm sticking with the current one :(

December ended with lots of decisions needing to be made.
I think I need to go into the family business. Don't get me wrong, I'm not against it. I guess I've come to accept it, as a natural life evolution (of Chinoys :P). By February, I'll have two years of outside work experience. Whether it'll be helpful or not is still uncertain, but I think it won't be completely useless. I'm a bit apprehensive because it's still such alien territory. I'm considering making this decision because of the chats I've had with my dad, and partly because I feel it's time. Could I be any less philosophical? XP I've given it much thought and it's only now that I feel a certain peace when I think about the transfer. Plus, my parents and relatives aren't getting any younger, and I don't want things to be left without any proper transition.

I'm pushing through with MBA applications. Wish me luck~

I think 2009 will be full of change. I can feel it. Whether change will be good or not, I have yet to find out.

*****
I'm not the most confident person on earth. And I dislike being put in situations where I feel I have to market myself. In situations like that, I have no idea which foot is my best, and so I end up clumsily putting two left feet forward. In situations like that, I turn into a chameleon of sorts, trying to think of "correct" things to say. Sometimes, situations like this bring about false expectations and lead to embarrassing conclusions. Sometimes, things work out in the end. I'm just not very good at the "in-between" stage, and it can be pretty nerve-wracking living things out until the conclusion stage. But I guess it can be a wealthy source of emotions and learning. So, I'll just have to keep things in perspective.

Reading Emily Giffin's Something Borrowed now. I can relate to the main character Rachel. I sometimes wonder if my life would've turned out differently had I been willing or even capable of being less careful, less responsible, less mindful. I guess I'll never be 'live-today-as-if-it-were-your-last, live-in-the-moment' type of person. I'm not exactly resentful over the fact. I just wonder at the possibilities, kind of like reading a "what if" adventure book.

Sunday, November 30, 2008

twilight

I went to see Twilight tonight with Nini and Zel at Rockwell (Thanks to Mic for the ticket reservations :P ). It was a pretty decent movie adaptation. I read the book a few months back so I couldn't remember all of the details but I think the film was able to tackle all the main parts.

The Oregon backdrop was a perfect setting for the sleepy little town of Forks, with its towering trees and misty mountains. The entire film - with its set, make-up, and environment - gave off a certain quality of coldness and numbness, which isn't to say that it wasn't able to play out emotions.

The focus was on the Edward-Bella love story so there wasn't much character development in terms of the supporting roles. But I loved how Alice was portrayed - spunky and unique, slightly gysy-like. Charlie was also one of the more endearing characters. He managed to inject some moments of humor in the movie. Especially liked the scene where he was cleaning his rifle and Bella introduced him to Edward. I liked how the father-daughter connection was played out in the movie :)

The softball game scene was also nicely presented. I like how the effects make it seem as if the actors are really zipping to and fro. I also liked the cinematography used in the scene where Bella and Edward are just lying down on the grass, after Edward shows her how he becomes when he's exposed to sunlight. It's just a quiet scene - no dialogue - just the two of them lying down, basking in the slants of filtered sunlight. The contrast of colors with really nice. It was one of those few scenes were everything didn't seem as dark or subdued.

The two leads did a good job portraying Edward and Bella, respectively. They had good chemistry and I think they did the book justice - no over-the-top acting or anything. I found the acting and the movie in general, quite restrained actually - subdued and mellow, haunting even, kind of like a black and white movie playing in the background. It doesn't impose or intrude, but it makes its presence felt. The movie's soundtrack suits its unintrusive charm. My current favorite is Bella's Lullaby, which is the piece Edward plays in the movie, on the grand piano. Beautiful piece :)

Let's see how the next movie in the franchise turns out. Till then, it's Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince :P

December 2, 2008

Note: Being a vegetarian, a line of Edward's struck me. I don't remember it word for word but it was something along the lines of, "...it's like a human being who only eats tofu. You get strong but you're never truly satisfied." There were times when I felt like that. During those early days when my body was just adjusting, I did feel deprived but I guess my pity (or was it compassion) for the animals won out. Five years after, my body has adjusted. I'm not sure if it's adjusted well but I no longer feel the hunger pains I felt early on. One thing that being vegetarian has changed in me, is that I probably don't enjoy eating as much as omnivores do. Maybe it's because of the lesser food choices, or because I don't need to eat as much to feel full, but it seems as if I've kind of lost an interest in exploring new palates and trying new dishes. It's not necessarily bad. I just find it a bit sad sometimes.

Side note: My mom showed me a T-shirt at David & Goliath. The tagline read: Save a tree. Eat animals :D Maybe I should buy it and put it side by side with my "I only date vegetarians" shirt :P

Bolt

Trinoma. The lines at the movie ticket counter yesterday resembled a long winding snake. 5 out of 7 cinema houses were showing Twilight. My guess was 90% of those in line were there to watch Twilight. I could see the worried glances and hear the hushed conversations as the people stared anxiously at the little red squares flashing by the television screens near the counter. By the time we got to the movie counter, even the last full shows for Twilight were almost sold out. Talk about selling like hot cakes :P

My mom, Zel, and I weren't there to see Twilight though. We went to see Bolt, the new Disney film featuring a dog who never knew another world aside from the movie set where he grew up in. In fact, to him, the movie set is the real world. His duty in life is - as the script dictates - to protect and save Penny from the evil clutches of the green-eyed man. The first half of the film showcases Bolt's various "powers," as we see him speed from action scene to action scene. Following a change in management direction, Bolt finds himself the victim of a newly written script which takes him away from Penny. In the ensuing adventure, he befriends pigeons, an alley cat with a past named Mittens, and his number 1 fan - Rhino the hamster (or was it guinea pig?). My favorite part was when the three friends were making their way to Hollywood and Mittens was teaching Bolt how to be a normal dog. The trailer park scene was a funny way of portraying discrimation between dogs and cats. The movie was light and funny, with lots of warm Disney moments. I'm sure the kids, who kept the entire cinema rocking with laughter and chuckles, would agree with me.

*****
I attended the MBA fair that was held at the Mandarin Oriental Ballroom last Thursday. I was disappointed that not many schools attended, but I was happy to run into Alexia, Melody, Heidi, and Ernest. My plan to apply to London Business School was ignited by Melody mentioning that her sister studies there. I guess it's not such a far-fetched plan after all :) I have to start working on applications now, especially thinking about my long-term plans and preparing for the GMAT. So far, I've chosen to apply to - in order of preference - University of Toronto (Rotman), Wharton, London Business School, Columbia Business School, Stanford, and Manchester Business School. Intimidating choices but I'll give them a try just for the heck of it.

Ernest and I had dinner at Greenbelt afterwards and we got to talking about family businesses and future goals. I guess a lot can change in a year and even though we plan, nothing's ever really set in stone. I don't know where I'll find myself in the next year or the year after that, but it's nice to keep a certain game plan going. I'll just adjust that game plan depending on what the circumstances or events call for. After all, the only permanent thing in life is change.